I only like to read books that I am interested in. Since school days, we have to read a lot of books, for which I am kinda good in memorising them, for the purpose of exam.
But there is one type of book that I have very strong interest in, which is history books, especially history of woman.
The Soong’s story has been my favorite. In 2004, I bought two books, one is a brief overview of The Soong’s family. Read the part where Ching Ling described how she eloped to get married with Sun Yat Sen. Could you imagine how brave she is?

Then I bought another book, “Woman In World History Soong Ching Ling (Mme. Sun Yatsen)”. It’s amazing what she had contributed to create the “new China” dream.
Woman of the era. I love her!

Last week, I also bought another book on woman. “Shamsiah Fakeh”. For decades the name Shamsiah Fakeh has been synonymous with rebellion: How could a beautiful Malay girl join the communists and become such a high-ranking member?
Her years in jungle warfare and exile to China have been the subject of much speculation, including unfounded rumours that she killed her child to avoid getting slowed down.
She is back in Malaysia but unwell (in her 80s what). Her memoirs were first published in 2004 but the publisher UKM bowed down to threats by the Establishment and withdrew it from circulation. It has now been brought back into print and I just got one copy.

I just spent two nights to finish all the 142 pages of the book. The part where she explains what *did* happen to her baby will haunt me for a long time. Feeling sad, pity, its so difficult to imagine.
She wrote,

“….Tuduhan yang mengatakan aku membunuh anak itu tidak benar dan merupakan suatu fitnah. Sebagai seorang ibu yang telah menyelamatkan anaknya di tengah-tengah hujan peluru tentera penjajah dan bersama-sama pula dengan anak sesat selama empat hari tiga makan dengan penuh sengsara, dan sebagai seorang pejuang kemerdekaan, tergamakkah seorang ibu membunuh anaknya sendiri?”

It’s not that I don’t appreciate her efforts and sacrifices for the independance of the country, it’s just that, to use weapon might not be a good idea…..
more…

Since yesterday, my mood was terrible. I have lost confidence in my job.
All the while I am happy that my manager actually satisfied with my performance and he’s been trying to help me a lot.
But from his expression when talking to me recently, I feel that he’s rather dissapointed with me already.
I am very sad because I really do admire him a lot, for his quick-witted, smart and intelligence.
But I am not even 1% of his brain level.

I feel that I am not suitable to work in this kind of software house already. Maybe too tricky business solution is not my best performing capability. I don’t know. I am facing difficulty, losing confidence when dealing with the ppl in my company lately.
I am thinking to give up. Change job again? I don’t know. But to stop in the middle of the challenge is not my style. I don’t like to stop half way. My usual behavior is normally fight through the end, and then only move on with something else.
Before I know what should I do, or before I can successfully persude myself to think positively again, I have to face another difficult day today. Since morning, I didn’t manage to smile like I usually do. I am very moody that I decided to go for lunch by myself, at my favorite pan mee stall at Miharja. But damn, even the pan mee waiter bully me, I have waited for so long for the mee to arrive…grrrr….

Only later of the afternoon I managed to smile a bit. And we actually decided to go karaoke together since been talking about it for many times already. Ruru and I, and a birthday boy and that colleague who always call me ‘fei poh’, and yk.
I tell you what, this birthday guy is now in my black list. I really beh tahan and beh song with him liao.
I already in bad mood, but still tried to cheer up and get the karaoke session work out today, since its his birthday also.
But he just can’t stop picking on me and being rude to me. Hey, who am i that deserve your scoldings????
Its not the first time already. It was since many weeks back and all the while, I was trying to forgive and forget. Am willing to understand that this is his personal character and as “friend”, we should accept each others weakness.
But he is like, “giving him an inch, he was asking for meter” already.
To bear is fine but it has a limit. I reached my limit liao.

10 reasons why he is no longer in my ‘FRIEND’ list:

1) I was trying to help him when he encountered a bug, i gave suggestion but he was scolding back at me, loudly.
- 我忍， telling myself not to be 8 next time.

2) He asked me to walk to the place to take my car when he can just drive and drop me there.
- 我忍, he’s just not gentleman, nvm, i depend on myself.

3) He just keep scolding loudly at me, and being so “dog” in front of his leader.
- 我忍, i just don’t talk to him much will do.

4) We were kidding that he purposely took the picture of leng lui and then he said to me, “I am just using another technique to take the pic, you understand or not? Aiya, you don’t un one la, ‘chun dou sei’”
- 我忍, maybe he don’t like ppl joke like this.

5) I short of cash during lunch time. I asked him borrow me money, but he don’t want.
- 我忍, maybe he just don’t like to lend money to others.

6) He supposed to follow my car to karaoke. He overtake me, then i overtake again by going to second lane. He scolded me for driving too fast and neglected him.
- 我忍, maybe i really should wait for him.

7) I asked him park outside the double storey house, just don’t block ppl’s way will do. He scold again.
- 我忍, he’s just worry of his car.

8 ) I passed him the mic so that he can sing through the mic, although I know he’s busy fixing urgent bug. But I thought he has done with it since he was singing along. But he ‘chew’ed me, and was like wanna to hit me.
- 我 can’t 忍 already. Damn it, I am just trying to be nice.

9) He’s just like a small kid, just leave the karaoke room like that to fix his urgent bug. No manner.

10) He’s rude, rude and still rude. To me especially. I 忍 8 times, but that does not means I don’t mind and he can keep bullying me like that.

It’s over, finished, no more. He will just be my colleague and never be my FRIEND. Sorry but I can’t help, have given him enough chances.

我 wǒ I, me
忍 rěn to beat; to endure; to tolerate

chrlo: 你想放弃什么？
ongki: 放弃自己做不来的工作
chrlo: 你有很多做不来的工作，我知道。 不用说。
ongki: 没人姓 好累
chrlo: 是“没人性” 笨蛋
ongki: ;p
chrlo: 去睡吧。

Waiting

Waiting for you is like a flower waiting for the sun;
Waiting for the sun to shine brightly towards it;
Bringing life and joy as it touches the petals;

Waiting for you is like a root waiting for the water;
Waiting for the water to flow in its stem;
Bringing freshness as it flow deep inside;

As i’m but only a flower that rot without you;
A flower that die without your shining smile;
A flower that die without your flow of comfortness.

Am not allowed to disclose name, but the author is not a human.
Happy, poem specifically for Ongki, “Ongki oh my sweet and dearest ongki…”, according to him

Thanks!

其实，我是特别喜欢阿妹的声音。 在她发 ‘我要快乐’ 的那一张唱片时， 我就很喜欢这首歌。
然后，还有人对我说，‘我要给你一辈子的快乐’。 可是最后都是骗人的。
所以现在每一次听这首歌就好像在伤口洒盐。 尤其是以下的这几段歌词。。。
在现场听阿妹唱时，特别悲哀，特别的苦，特别的可怜，特别的遗憾。。。
最可笑的是， 阿妹最新的唱片，有一首歌叫 ‘永远的快乐’。 哈哈。。。
阿妹，阿妹呀， 你怎么知道我应该要的是 ‘永远的一辈子的快乐’呢？？？ 选你狠。

又被爱伤了一遍
无所谓 当作成长

如果你也聽說 有沒有想過我 像普通舊朋友
還是你依然會心疼我
跌跌撞撞才明白了許多
等我的人就你一個
想到你想起我
胸口依舊溫熱
如果你想起我
你會想到什么…

Performing Artistes:
• Zhang Hui Mei (A-Mei) 张惠妹 • Michael Wong 光良 • Fish Leong 梁静茹 • Victor Wong 品冠 • Andrew Tan 陈势安 • Zhang Zhen Yue 张震岳 • Claire Kuo 郭静 • Vincy Chan 泳儿 • Kenny Kwan 关智斌 • Thor Luk • Dominique Choy • Huang Qi Shan

There are too many heart broken ppl in the world. Came across this writing…I like the phrase “陪我看细水常流的人”

我需要的是一个可以陪我看细水常流的人，
尽管，我知道，在这样一个速食爱情的城市里，
我的观点，老得有点脱臼了。
仿佛是把满是铜绣，
而又找不到钥匙的锁。
没有熬成的红豆，有什么关系呢？
至少，我还有我的。咖啡。
我一个人，看风景。

Mathew and Mei Har are both my coursemates.
Mathew is even my upper six schoolmate. Mei Har is my housemate during university life.
To attend their wedding is something we have been saying since few years back.
And they just did.

Looking at them standing in front of me, in their wedding gown and suit, I feel grateful.
See pictures here.
Remember how they met, start dating, Mei Har changed 180%, then broke up, and then reunited again, and now finally reached the wedding bells.

In their invitation card, its actually written,

With new dreams, new hopes, new aspirations
and a desire to achieve new horizons
we are stepping into a new beginning of wedded life

In fact, before they start dating, I actually do admire Mathew a lot. He’s the one who is ambitious, aiming high, work hard, study hard and just dare to accept challange type of guy. I love this kind of people. I was like, 0.00001% dissapointed when I got to know they started to date.
Mei Har, it’s amazing to see how she actually broke out from the coccoon, revolved from an ugly ducking to a beautiful princess.
Okla, not really ugly, but just a description. She used to be really soft spoken, shy, a bit chubby, with thick glasses, scared-talk-louder-will-scared-her type of girl. But since she has Mathew in her life, she has evolved 180%. No more soft and shy, its cool, full of confidence. No more chubby with thick glasses, she went on very strict diet, did laser eye correction and just … oh, can’t describe. Its truly IMPRESSIVE!

Out of my 4 other housemates, 2 already married with kid, 1 just married and another 1 is still in the river of love.
Looking at myself. Still hanging….
History is repeating. Remember when we were in uni, two girls in one room, another two in another room and I chose the single room. Then one by one, they found boyfriend, everytime their guys will come our house to bring them for dinner.
Left the forever lonely Ongki. Years passed, but situation still the same.
Forever lonely, forever taking care of myself, forever being the most painful….

14/09/2005 23:59
20++ years of my life, he’s the only dog lover among my friends.
I claimed that DOG MANIAC!
He actually takes a week off from work because his dog is going to deliver
..bei kui za dou….
Always say I am too tall…but the fact is he’s too…..(ahem ahem)…
A true designer whose works are truly quality and impressive…just that he charges too high….but worth it geh…

This is what I wrote about him in year 2005. Kenson Koh is my ex-colleague from WNS. When I was at the starting point of my career, when I know nothing about working life, he is one of them who actually touches my life.
I guess he’s the best graphic designer among my friends because I really do admire his works, with style, with soul and touch of creativity. But his real person is just like an ‘aunty’, hahaha…very ‘long gas’, mumbles a lot and repeating the same thing again and again.
He was once a heart broken man but just the day before yesterday, it was declared that he is one of the most happy man on earth! He found his other half. A very friendly, pleasant and nice lady, Vanessa.
Remember those days when he was so weak, and I kept scolding him for being a loser, but who knows, not long after, he’s the one scolding at me for being another poor and weak loser!
During the dinner, they actually made a very nice and special slideshow, very creative and funny and touching…that I was moved to tears! I am so happy for him. Sincerely from my heart, I gave my blessings to the couple, forever and ever.
But when is my turn to be one of the most beautiful gal on earth?

Written on the card, “There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved”…..