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Year: 2008

Taiwan Day 1 & 2

Taiwan Day 1 & 2

Eat- not much, a lot of beef, a lot of milk
Shopping – not much, no time to explore many places
Walk – plenty, too much, tiring….
Weather – not too cold, but cold….

Ongki with cow – squeezing milk

Love is Another Way to Die

Love is Another Way to Die

an interesting excerpts from an interesting websites,

I recall the exact moment I realized I loved him. There were no butterflies in my stomach and I didn’t conflict over how to tell him. Love, to me, is not a Shakespeare sonnet. I never talk about belonging to him, or giving him a piece of my heart and soul. Instead, he and I stand silently, staring at each other like two soldiers about to go into an unwinnable war. Darien’s gaze is always uncanny, impenetrable, and I never quite know if what he’s going to say is cynical or teasing. There’s also something dark and smoldering in his eyes, almost violent. But if I asked, he’d just tell me I was seeing things.

I felt a sense of dawning wonder and grief when I realized how I much I cared about him. Love is my asphyxiate. It is complicated and brutal. It happens without warning and makes my chest feel heavy and constricted. I understand that men like Darien aren’t meant to be tamed. His purpose is to remain wild, uninhibited. Perhaps love with him is best left evanescent and fleeting, yet undeniably precious.

“Don’t say anything,” Darien all but growls.

I shudder at his tone, wondering if my expression has given me away. Love is something I don’t want to admit aloud. I’m too unstable and my life is too inconsistent. There are instances where love isn’t all healing, when it is unsafe and the idea of it conquering anything is a lie.

“I won’t,” I promise.

He looks almost hesitant as he steps away from me. “Then you’ll run.”

In an uncertain, volatile world, admitting to love is far too dangerous and telling someone to run is the best way of informing them that they are cherished. Sometimes, love is destructive and declaring it aloud is just another way to hurt someone. In the world Darien and I live in, saying “I love you” is just another way to die.

王力宏 – 心跳

王力宏 – 心跳



Heartbeat 心跳
Lyrics/Composition: Wang Lee Hom (王力宏)

想跟我吵架 我没那麽无聊
Xiang gen wo chao jia Wo mei na me wu liao
You want to argue with me. I'm not that bored.

不懂得道歉 我没那麽聪明
Bu dong de dao qian Wo mei na me cong ming
I didn't apologize. I'm not that bright.

Hao xiang yao hui dao wo men de yuan dian
I desire to go back to where we began.

你又在哭泣 我给不了安慰
Ni you zai ku qi Wo gei bu liao an wei
You are crying again. I fail to give you comfort.

我又在摇头 有那麽点後悔
Wo you zai yao tou You na me dian hou hui
Im shaking my head again (disapproving of my actions), thats that much regret.

Ai qing de fa zhan yi nan hui tou que wu fa wang qian zou
Loves progression makes it already hard to turn back, but Im unable to move on.

但身不由己出现在胸口 两颗心能塞几个问号
Dan shen bu you yi chu xian zai xiong kou Liang ke xin neng sai ji ge wen hao
My body still wont leave because of what is currently in my chest. Two hearts can solve many problems.

Ai rang wo men liu duo shao yan lei
How many tears has love made us shed?

Ni de yan shen chong man mei li dai zou de de xin tiao
Your eyes are brimming with beauty to carry away my heartbeat.

Ni de wen rou ru ci kao jin dai zou wo de xin tiao
In this way, you draw closer to take away my heartbeat.

逆转时光到一开始 能不能给一秒
Ni zhuan shi guang dao yi kai shi Neng bu neng gei yi miao
Time has turned back to the beginning. Can you give me a moment?

Deng zhe na yi tian ni ye xiang qi
Im waiting for whatever day when you will also remember

Na xuan zai ji yi zhong de mei hao
That happiness hovering in your memories.

Why are you single? mini quiz…

Why are you single? mini quiz…

Copying from CLEO, December 2008

Are you ready to have a boyfriend, or is your fear of commitment holding you back? Take this quick test to find out:

1) What does getting serious with a guy mean to you?
a) You’re more at risk of getting hurt
b) He thinks this could go somewhere
c) You’ll get to know him way more intimately

2) Why haven’t you got a boyfriend?
a) All guys are jerk
b) You won’t settle for just anyone
c) You’ve dated commitment phobic guys

3) How do you feel when a guy has the hots for you?
a) Like you can’t breathe
b) Embarrassed
c) Fantastic – it’s nice to know you’re appreciated

Mostly As :

You’d have second thoughts even if the guys you were seeing was Orlando Bloom or Brad Pitt. You’re obviously uncomfortable with letting guys get too close and you figure that keeping your distance will protect you from getting hurt. But you can’t play it safe and have a boyfriend as well. If you keep comparing guys to garden slugs, you’ll never be ready to go steady.

Mostly Bs:
You’re afraid you’re not interesting enough to hold a guy’s attention. You’re letting those doubts and insecurities stop you from committing to being in a couple. Instead of risking rejection, you pretend that no guy is good enough. It’s time you worked on developing a healthier self-image.

Mostly Cs:
What are you doing this quiz for? It’s obvious you’re not scared of commitment. You’ve been through your dating phase and you’re ready to hang out exclusively with the right guy. Now get out there and go find him.

MBA! Here I come…

MBA! Here I come…

Just attended the MBA preview at The University of Nottingham, located at their learning center at Chulan Tower, KL.
I am very excited. Rushing there, as company’s Quality Day only ended around 6.30pm.
Luckily there wasn’t any traffic jam. The journey was a smooth one.

It has always been my dream to further study. Although I’d prefer doing it overseas, like in London or Australia…but I already have the momentum to start doing it now, influenced by SCH who have been started on it since few months back. I just can’t wait anymore. I wanted to START IT NOW!!!

But ask me why, I guess I did not know how to describe the urge and desire burning inside me until I attended the brief yet excited preview today.
The presenter was the Director of the Postgraduate programs for The University of Nottingham.
Scottish, speaking in a speedy, heavy UK accented English, he said, ‘…many years ago, I did MBA was because I wanted to learn….’
How simple and sincere….Yes…all the while I have been enjoying learning new things.
I remember I wrote somewhere, ‘I prefer learning than teaching’ 😛
Even learning new languages or picking up new hobbies has been listed in my to-do list.
I just love to learn new things.

Although I love to learn, but how long does the excitement will drive me, is another issue 😀
My past told me that, I have been doing everything without much perseverance.
But this time, I will ensure myself not to repeat the same old stupid me.
I will want to wear that ‘square-hat’ and take pictures with my proud parents again. (although already did that during Degree, just can’t get enough to please my papa and mama).
Moreover, it will cost me 46k ler… can i afford not to remember on perseverance????

Juan’s Wedding Dinner

Juan’s Wedding Dinner

It was the wedding dinner of the perfect guy in my life.
All my friends will know who is he ( J.U.A.N. )
He used to be my classmate when I was in Cochrane Form 6, in the year of 1997.
And everyone knows I admire this guy, including he himself, knowing Ongki is a silly girl out there adoring him. Up to the year in 2006, he is still the number 1 in my heart.
Although I do have other guys whom I actually had crush on, but he’s always the only one whom i felt is the one who deserves all my admiration.
With the presence of another HIM, i made a conclusion that, my unrequisited love for Juan had disappeared. But when HE left me, I seek for Juan’s advise, I shared my sorrow with him.
Juan had then became my number 1 soul mate. His words soothed my broken heart. He told me to appreciate, he told me to stand up, he gave me brotherly hugs.

Frankly, I was truly overjoyed and so proud to have him as my friend when he finally graduated from Sydney U and became the doctor that he wishes to be since in Form 6.
And what’s more…his graduation day was a dual celebration…it was also the registration of marriage with his then girlfriend and now, wife.
Asked if I have sad feelings, oh yeh, I do have, I am sad coz this will means I will really have to stop thinking about people’s husband.

And when this day of witnessing the real happiness that he had achieved, I am all well prepared.
I am prepared to attend with an open heart, to give the couple my blessings, to show him another me, compare to his Lea Szu in form 6, 10 years ago, i am different.

Unfortunately, none of my closer ex-classmates are going to attend the dinner, and I really don’t wish to go alone. I asked SCH to go with me. Juan asked, ‘boyfriend ah?’.
I didn’t admit nor deny. How can I tell him, ‘oh no, I am just calling along a normal friend so that i will not look silly and pity, and also to take care of me coz i might be very sad seeing you with your wife.’
Childish, am I? I guess so. But in front of Juan, I do not know who am I 😛

I went for a make up, bought a new shoes, had a simple hair do. Then quickly rush to the dinner located at PJ.
I was so worry I might missed the hand-shaking session at entrance, as the invitation card said, it will starts at 7pm sharp.
I told SCH not to talk to me while I drive as i am not familiar with the place.
I have to thank this guy a lot, with all the supporting hands from him.

And yeh, we reached. And gosh, I was so relieved, as it was quite a grand dinner and I know I didn’t overly or under dressed. Just nice, i think.
From far, I see him. JUAN, the guy, with full confidence, looking smart, arrogant…and just captivate me with every of his moves.
He lightly hugged me, and I said, ‘Congratulations’ and then shaked hands.
I am not sure if he felt the coldness of my hand. His hand, is firm and warm.
God, i was actually trembling. I do not know what to say, and giggling. Very very nervous.
I attended so many wedding dinners before, but never this nervous.
Well, believe it or not, in front of him, I am never calm. Never! All the times, I am always lost of what I am saying or doing with him around.

Didn’t have chance to take a lot of good pics. Not even a clear one of him and wife 🙁
Anyway, managed to copied some pictures of their morning session ceremony via Facebook. I didn’t attend though.

And here comes those taken during the dinner.
Guess what, Juan and wife performed salsa dance on stage!!!! I was stunned for a while before going forward and closer to snap the wonderful moves, but too bad, the pics turned out blurly…blame my low level photography skill 🙁

The interior of Ming Cuisine Restaurant – not bad

Yum Sing’nggngngng!!!! Waspak! Waspak!

On the stage…Juan delivered a perfect speech, thanking his parents and in laws!

Performing Salsa


With some of my ex form 6 classmates

With his mom, she’s stunning and I felt very warm talking to her each time, can’t resist to take a pic with her…

And finally, a picture of him and I. He whispered to me, ‘you’ve got slimmer’ 😀
Can you see that I was actually very very nervous???

Do not judge a book by it’s cover

Do not judge a book by it’s cover

So do you better not to judge a 男人 by his look, you’ll never know how 臭 he is.
You will also never know how sharp, how scary, how ‘一尖见血’ (one-needle-see-blood), how sarcastic are his speeches!
Yeh, this is the 臭男人 colleague, who is now sitting beside me in the office.
Thanks to him, I guess there are more other colleagues reading my blog now, especially on the post about 千手观音!

I must not expose too much about this fella. I must not, otherwise he’ll use his infamous chinese phrases to tease me. I will not, I will not, don’t worry, CHIN VOON PIN!!!!!

the chou-nan-ren

You know, you’ll really be amaze at special people like this who looks so soft, gentle, quiet and shy yet when they speak, they will just leave you speechless, mouth-open-and-don’t-know-how-to-respond type, just like this… and eventually become like this  once you got to know him longer!

So what did he say about me? 
Not really a lot but very significant ones, at least no people ever ‘dare’ to describe to me like that before, he’s lucky am too old to be small gas, otherwise he should be ignored by Ongki for at least many many weeks…
show you some of his chinese phrases,

贪得无厌 (tam-dak-mou-yim) = greedy
he always say i am greedy, come to think about it, it looks like i am, haha…coz i’ll forever want to have extra, want to join this and that, will never have enough…

肥斯大只 (fei-si-dai-jek) = fat and big size
GE calls me ‘fei mui chai’, Charleo calls me ‘fei poh’, neighbours call me ‘fei mui’, Hunter says I am ‘huge’ and at the age of almost approaching 30, someone says me ‘fei-si-dai-jek’!!!!! I gotta worship him for being so frank and ‘mean’ to me!!!

蠢唔晒 (chun-ng-sai) = is not fully stupid
and because he actually always say I am stupid, there are times when i think i deserve not to be called that way, i will get him to praise or compliments me…but, but…but guess what….he will just say,
‘ok, looks like you are not really fully stupid’ ….

姣婆守唔到寡 (hao-poh-sau-ng-dak-gua) = flirty lady couldn’t keep to be a widow(loosely translated)
…just because I was drinking one or two cups of coffee after few weeks didn’t touch on it!

Haha…ok, enough play play…I would seriously say, he does bring me a lot of laughters and energy in the office, especially after my dearest interns left. Office gone back to the quiet state as it used to be. Too quiet that I have been in sleepy mode for almost everyday the week after the interns left.
Also it could be the effect of taking away the morning coffee in my life.
i have now successfully replaced it with a milo! yahoo!!!! oh yeah, because of this, i bought myself the DKNY Apply perfume as a reward 😀

Okay, back to the colleague, well, I think he is calm, able to analyse things correctly. Also feel that he is kinda picky, on food especially. His complaints never ends!

Going to karaoke with him for the first time, his singing is not bad actually. Really can’t tell by his cover…(his boring face, i mean) 😛 Fell in love with 陳小春’s 獨家記憶 after heard him singing. Not bad…

Well, after so much about colleagues, gotta update a bit on my plan for 2009.
I have finally decided to rent out my condo at Kuchai Lama, hopes to get a reliable tenant and be able to rent out asap.
The reason of not moving in is obvious, well, what for moving in alone, be away from family? further from office? just for … privacy?? I am sure sooner or later, when everyone is busy with their own family, I will have plenty of privacy, (want someone to disturb me also don’t have).
For now, I want to equip and satisfy my desire to gain more knowledge. I will take up a MBA course.
And spend at least 3 years to complete the part time course. I am sure I can do it.

Recently, my feeling of 我命犯天煞孤星, 注定孤独一生 has returned. Although I am scared to be alone, (well, Ongki finally admits that), but I am helpless. I just couldn’t accept anymore relationship, at least for now. No matter if the guy suits me or not, I just don’t feel confidence to let myself fall into the trap anymore. I hate the feeling of being so dependent! I don’t want. I already told 2 guys within a month that, I am sorry, I just don’t want.

Oh, gonna attend Juan’s wedding dinner this Sunday! Sigh…dream comes true? or nightmare comes true??? Anyway, as H said, just give him blessings and stop whining!!!

Ongki To Do

Ongki To Do

I have too many to-do(s) in my mind, but never seriously sit down and sort it out properly, which to execute, how to execute, which to delay, which to sacrifice…

Briefly listed them in my earlier post, now let’s recap and PLAN

1) renovate new house and move in

– have my own privacy, sick of sharing a “public” room
– can enjoy the freedom of being alone in the house – do whatever i would love to do

– away from family
– new house location further away from office
– more expenses

– move in and spend all my savings to renovate house (>= RM30k)
– rent out, with the fee earned just enough to cover my loan installment (RM0)
– leave it untouched and continue paying monthly installment (-RM1083+ RM184)

2) study MBA

– career advancement, a higher qualification, might be able to find a higher position job
– more knowledge, self upgrade

– will have to fully commit, as it will be tiring working and studying at the same time
– a whole new commitment, meaning cannot just leave my job if i don’t like anymore
– will spend all my savings

– join the Jan 2009 intake, take fewer subjects at the beginning
– don’t take now, move in new house, then only continue to save more money to full fill the dream of studying overseas(which nobody can foresee when as it’s really expensive out there)

3) have a long holiday overseas

– relax, recharge, breath new air, see a bigger part of the world
– the ticket is FREE! redeem from MAS

– money flies for nothing
– project at work will be more delayed

– go travel somewhere, ignore the project coz it’s very unknown when it will be completed, and the day I return to work will be a new refreshed-fully charged me
– don’t go, continue the passion for the project, ensure client’s satisfactory, work harder to create more WOW factors and prove to everyone that I can do it
– go a nearer location, maybe Phuket, might not be an ideal location as I wish to go somewhere really further away, but who knows it might be an interesting trip

4) learn photography in detail

5) pick up back on diving

6) continue on my Japanese language

– my interest, learn a new mastered skill and not just half-pail-water

– not much profit returned as its really for hobby and interest purpose
– too expensive hobbies, photography, diving, new language course, all $$$

– enroll a Japanese class first, the cheapest one and make sure get a cert of the Proficiency test
– plan diving trip next time (sacrifice loh)
– learn more photography techniques from Hugo but must be really committed and not just taking it for granted

7) go travel with family

– for the first time in life, to be able to bring parents and go trip with sister
– no one loves me as much as they do

– will need a lot of $$$

– go HK/Macau trip this coming Chinese New Year
– must plan and committed until it happened

8 ) build an impressive software for my client

– client will be happy, to prove Ongki can do more than this, boss will be happy, do not want to dissapoint my bosses

– need a lot of time! that i will have to sacrifice item 4,5,6 or maybe 7

– learn to work hard and smart, delegate work properly, put and do first thing first, MUST NOT IGNORE priorities
-work in a normal pace, fully commit to it again after the holiday

9) buy a new car

– replace my Kancil which is now hurt here and there, more comfortable

– truly a liability that will not return any real profit
– another does-not-worth-it commitment, for >7 years?!

– lowest priority (sacrifice loh)
– bear with the Kancil first loh

10) do more for my family

– appreciate them before its too late
– my life is nothing without them

– where got????

– must change attitude, appreciate, concern more about them
– don’t plan with computer too much and neglected the times with family

Now, what’s next??? See properly and choose properly what’s really to do now….

Let me think, think, think ….

Break Through: I seriously need a Break Through

Break Through: I seriously need a Break Through

Today is a terrific day.
Woke up at 6am to join my fellow sales colleagues to attend a booth at Sunway Convention center.
It wasn’t a smooth start as the car driven by my colleagues were blocked by police.
Well, at least I was there on time to set up….but it wasn’t correctly set…(Ongki: fine…)

Then I have been so excited and ‘heng zi but but’ to TRY doing some sales, only to realize myself was too nervous and lack of confidence to initiate the conversation. (Ongki: fine….)

There were encouraging words but how genuine and sincere it was….it’s just another story about the nature of being a salesperson.

The first session of my day, I thought ended up well, but it was just a fake one when I discovered some people did not speak what they think, and some people just say what they think, and some people is still too naive to trust people, even at an old age 🙁

Friends of mine will know I NEVER LIKE TO DO SALES, or to be exact, I DO NOT AND CAN’T DO SALES.
It was just recently, I was trying to have a change in myself, trying to do something beyond what I have done before. I was trying to have a … ahem ahem…. break through.
I volunteered to follow the sales team today. I admit, I wasn’t too serious, photographing, eating, walking around but I was then at least trying to learn and keep telling myself, ‘…come on Ongki, be confidence, walk up and speak! speak! speak!’ (although I failed).
I didn’t blame myself or feeling guilty for not able to get any prospect today, as I am thinking that I am willing to try and still keen on joining such activity more in the future. Hey! me voluntarily wanted to join SALES activity! But wth, I was given the feedback that, out of 10, I can’t even score 1!
And what’s more, ‘…you don’t even score 1, do you still expect we bring you out for sales???’
🙁 ma de….I was asking her to bring me out to gain more experience and help out wherever I can….and this is what I get?
As if waking up at 6am is easy for me? as if I am free with my development work? as if I didn’t get client’s pressure? as if I am a sales person? as if people can leave their duty and help you but you just taking it for granted???
The worst of all is, I have finally seen a “doubled-faces” in action today.
Not surprise, but dissapointed, the Nth times thinking that, being sincere to people will get real friends.
the Nth times it failed me 🙁 aih….

Sad, yes, especially when my car was being hit by a huge contenna truck on the way back to office from the convention center.
What did I get from my effort today? Broken heart, broken car, broken ‘name’….

But well, I came home, sit down, browse some real nice pictures of my friend taken at a diving spot. Seeing clear water, soft sands, blue blue sky makes me feel that, why bother to spend time thinking on those that does not worth your time? and why not treasure and go ahead with what you should do?

I suddenly urged to pick up back those of my interests that I have left and never able to complete them…
And then my mind are all crossed with each others.
I have so many ideas, so many ‘wants to’, so many so many so many ‘things-I-want-to-do’.
But how? which to do? how to do? can i really do it???

Let me list down,

1) renovate house and move in
2) study MBA
3) have a long holiday overseas
4) learn photography in detail
5) pick up back on diving
6) continue on my Japanese language
7) go travel with family
8 ) build an impressive software for my client
9) buy a new car
10) do more for my family

phiew…now, tell me, how do I work these out???

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