It wasn’t a smooth beginning of October. It was sad, disappointing, exciting, threatening and surprising.
Despite the good ending of a wonderful September where my best buddy had his wedding, it was just a series of failures when people tried to challenge my E.Q. I am obviously, far and away to be a proactive person, although I keep saying that I am learning to be one.

The first incident should be Disaster #2 with him. Don’t want to complain anymore, I have to learn to trust him, although he said he isn’t sure what to do himself. I believe, as long as his heart is with me, I need not worry.

It was the second incident that happened around the office that triggered my anger the most. No wonder people always say, ‘doing good deeds will not surely getting good returns’. 好心没好报， 想别人开心， 反而自己受伤害。 I never expect to get any good return anyway. Being happy with everyone is already my best reward.
I know the reason why that person want to do something to against me. He is trying to get my attention but too bad, what he did did not just invoked my anger and sadness but also a reason to give him a “slap” and wake him up to face the reality. The reality is, ‘Haw’ already found a new cheese and she wishing that ‘Hem’ too, will start moving and accept change! I think I can apply the “Who Moved my Cheese” story here.
Haw has been trying to ignore, keep quiet and never respond to any of his action. She does not feel guilty because she knows she did the right thing to move away from the cheese-less station. It just won’t work.
Hem, on the other hand, torturing himself, being negative, being soul-less, getting worse than just being an introvert. Haw doesn’t want to see Hem behaving like this. But keeping quiet will not help. She is sure time can help. But to her dismay, Hem is still hiding at that cheese-less station feeling miserable everyday.
Haw has to ‘bark’, no choice. Haw decided that it’s time to play the cruel part.
Haw even showed to Hem what’s the new cheese look like. Showed him how Haw is happy and contended by moving on to a new cheese. Haw wishes Hem can start moving and leave that place. Keep moving please!

After all, I think, and strongly believe this Haw and Hem story is just the reflection of my karma. KARMA.
Yes, I was once a Hem. A stubborn, stupid, not willing to move Hem. Another Haw already got married.
Today saw his wedding dinner pictures. Staring deeply into his face, looking at his expression. I asked myself, ‘…what do I feel?’. Weird, I can’t describe. What is this feeling? Does not hurt but heavy…weird, just weird. I then asked GE, he said those are a ‘so close yet so far’ feeling, That is someone who was once so close to you. Yes, exactly. Life is so unpredictable, but believe it or not, I am sure almost everyone in the world will experience this kind of feeling in their lifetime. Now I experience it, later someone else will do when they are looking at my soon to be wedding pictures. I believe so, I really do. This is call KARMA.

Okay, back to the next unexpected incident that eventually took a sharp turn.
It could end up to be a misery but thank god I heard voices all over that we have to appreciate what we have. Miscommunication can be solved, lack of understanding can be solved, disagreement can be solved…with one word, ‘LOVE’. As long as we still love each other, there is nothing such as impossible.
Thank you Chee Yan, I heard you.
What came to my surprise was how guys are so sensitive when I blog about our story. Erm, maybe I should learn to ask for permission. I will never give up writing my personal feelings on my blog. The contentment of writing and re-reading it is such a wonderful experience.
We then finally came to a conclusion by being more systematic. We kept a list of each others like and don’t like list. In the future, we’ll look at where we can tolerate and improve for each other. Haha, thinking about that now, I think thats the report card for each other after 6 months probation period.
When someone said he is an ‘intern’, I told him, ‘…your probation almost fail’. lol

Want to see my report card?

And his? Cannot be disclosed here, he won’t let me do so.

I have to thank god, after we managed to survive through this incident, our love bond got stronger and he does talk sweetly to me sometimes. I have confidence, we can go longer with this.

I hope the next next and next weeks of October will be happy ones. My favorite month, October

Settled already. No need B.U.
Now we got agreement on hand. At least next time fight, we got a limit.

雨过天晴 (雨過天晴)
[yǔguòtiānqíng]

1. the sun shines again after the rain—after gloom comes brightness

taken from nciku

I appreciate and thank MD for giving us his Wii, and even bring back to Thailand for periodical update and kind enough to buy us the new motion plus controllers. I do not know how else to thank him, except by really fully utilizing it to relax after work.

I want everyone else in the office to feel the same. I decided to organize the Wii competition. We have been hosting it for two years in a row. It was fun and can feel the excitement and more interaction between team members. I hope the same this year. But unfortunately, it was a hectic thing for me, because there are almost 40 participants. I have to randomly put people’s name into each team. I ask everyone to register their own name into team but no one is moving, so I have to make the decision.
The time limitation is a constrain. Most interns will not be available starting this week. The game schedule cannot be too long. Everything has to be fast. Everything has to depend one me. Even buying new batteries has to wait for me.

Ok, it’s fine, i don’t mind doing these because I am the one who wishes to have the competition.
But hey! When the team lose, people says unfair cox they don’t get to choose their own team member.
When some team members, like the interns can’t come because they have ended their internship and I allow replacement players, people said it’s not fair. When these people being childish by withdrawing from the game, people says ‘….blame the organizers’. F*CK!!!!

The point is, there is people out there who just want to make my life miserable. I don’t wish them to thank me, but at least be cooperative. My intention of this competition is just for everyone to have fun! Why must it follow strict rules like, losing if player can’t come?? They just want to go against me. Want me to have problem, want me to feel miserable.
Come on, just for fun…as if betting RM1 million game? Only RM10, ok?
I was too angry, and then throw the white board marker pens and eraser on the floor, in front of them.
Long time never been this angry already. Cried. Toilet bowl is my best friend when I cry at work.
At least the bowl give a place for me to sit, as if comforting me. How about those people? None of them giving me supports. All just bully me.

At this moment, he sent me sms, giving me the answer that I was urging him. I call him and upon hearing his voice, I can’t help but to cry again. And that’s how I forgive him again. Aih, he made me cry the night before. Now I cry in front of him because of someone else. Am I meant to just cry?

I think I have to change my personality? Being too kind, wishing to please people is such a difficult thing to do.
To please these people, I will make some other people not happy. To please those people, someone may get offended.

So difficult to be proactive? I want to make things happen. But to make things out of these really very non proactive people, (or people who don’t want to react for me), are as difficult as jumping from a 18 floors building.

The first disaster happened for the first time about 6 months back. I can’t believe the very same disaster will happen twice. Did I over-estimated myself? or under-estimated the other party? or equally over-estimated him?
I thought he can and already handled. I leave it to him to “do something” but it didn’t work too well.
Feel my heart bleeding and I wish to give up
I am angry, sad and dissapointed, not because he failed me but I failed myself.
I failed to make him mine 100%. I am that type of girl who can’t accept 99%. It must and have to be 100%.
And now, what should I do??????