Last Post for this blog

This will be my last post for this blog.

The blog will be locked, it shouldn’t be made public at first.

Its my wrong decision again.

I take this opportunity to appologise to all who thinks i am an *actor*.

Sorry but you are truly wrong, because I am not acting.

But its funny, that in this world, there is such human like me who exist.

A human who truly trust ONE LOVE ONE LIFE, seeking and trying to save her love.

But encountered disaster because her love is not a person who appreciates love, and just take love for granted.

Ongki @Elaine @Ong Lea Szu will wake up and continue her journey in life.

Reached Beijing, life goes on…

I am in the room. This guy whom I am so desperately to see him days and nights, is sleeping outside.
We are like strangers…or maybe worse than that, because strangers at least *see* each others…but we don’t.

I don’t know if he will still look at me, but I didn’t. Heart beating fast when first appeared in front of him.

I was hiding in the room, dare not go out to the living room but after gathered up the courage,

i showed up, being myself, treating him as transparent.
The feeling is really really ackward and so embarassing…everybody knows we were once lover and now i think they are pitying us in their heart….
With his presence, I only have these sentences in my mind “you are fat, old, ugly and stupid”, “go to hell”, “poopy”…
Maybe because of that, I even lose appetitite to eat. Hungry but just don’t feel like want to eat.

Not torturing myself, just *mourning*, haha, the best word to describe my feeling now.
But I know, let the gone be gone, let the passed be passed. The dark spot in my life happened in 2006 and it should just stay in 2006, I don’t want it t be dragged to 2007. I need to start a new life.

Btw, there’s an interesting comment…

Anonymous said…
“i know why your family want you to come back, muahaha, to stop you acting like a naive girl outside there”

Ongki said…

“True, only in front of my family, I can be my real self…do watever I want to do, shout and yell, scold and kick, unlike the complicated world outside, everything that you do, ppl will evaluate if you are doing harm on them, when you sincerely be good to someone, people will only say you are acting or pretending…”

I have too many to write, but its 2.35am now, need to attend meeting at 9am!
Will write more in details of the new year celebration in Germany, my *report card* for 2006 and the resolutions for 2007.

Welcome 2007, from Munich, Germany

With Chermayne and family.