Last post from ongkichilam.com

When my blog is up online again, its my brand new day. I moved on.
But as for now, I have decided things have to come to an ending.

烧掉日记重新来过

My feelings now, best described by this song,

离开随身携带的记事本
写着许多事都是关于你
你讨厌被冷落
习惯被守候
寂寞才找我

我看见自己写下的心情 把自己放在卑微的后头
等你等太久想你泪会流
而幸福快乐是什么

爱的痛了 痛的哭了
哭的累了日记本里页页执着记载着你的好
像上瘾的毒药
它反覆骗着我爱的痛了

痛的哭了
哭的累了矛盾心里总是强求
劝自己要放手
闭上眼睛让你走
烧掉日记重新来过

一个人的我依然会微笑

如果想哭我自己会找地方
你不必担心我会弄湿你肩膀

走在街上到处是寂寞的人
我想谁都不要同情的眼光

受一点伤并不是可怕的事
人就是这样才会愈来愈坚强

谁叫男人永远比女人清楚
爱情它何时该收何时该放

你走吧 我不哭 无论多痛苦
你走吧 我不哭 就算会迷路

明天一个人的我依然会微笑
虽然它或许也是伤心的开始

爱情的轮回总是一次又一次
是悲是喜终将都变成往事

明天一个人的我依然会微笑
那怕早已没有人记得我名字
别问我为何执迷不悟的尝试
女人生来就多这么一点痴

Where to go?

Requested leave from 3rd to 7th September. Was planning to visit HK, and stay at KS’s place, checked MAS air fares, is cheap, surprisingly.
Then don’t know how, thought of visiting Jun at Melbourne too. Also can drop by Sydney to visit Juan.
“..deng deng deng, hi, Juan, surprise ya???!!” I always like to do this kind of surprises.
Hey, Jun and Juan are two different persons, Jun is that girl keep calling me “dai kar jie” and Juan is that guy who has been in my life for the past 9 years. He’s very soon to be Dr. Juan. Proud of him.
But the fare is like RM3400++. So I quicky digged out my Enrich Silver card, called MAS and asked if my accumulated Enrich points can redeem me a free ticket to Melbourne.
Yup, just top up another RM1300, can get a roundtrip ticket to Melbourne.
But with these points and top up, I can actually get ticket to Tokyo too.
It is my dream to go Japan, moreover, I got ShinYin there mer, free accomodation.
But thinking the expenses will still be high, I just eliminate Tokyo this round, but is it worth to spend all my points now?
Then again, don’t know how, thinking to visit LeeHar at US. Hahaha, I am thinking further and further…..

But then boss asked me today, if I am applying leave for a full holiday or just want to be away from here?
I know, as a newbie in the company, applying a week of leave, and I’m still under probation period, its their special allowance for me. Glad, I am really glad. He actually said, if I only need a breakaway, he can send me to Vietnam, and see how the team there works. Also mentioned he’ll be going to China soon…but does that means he’ll bring me along??
China? Shanghai? Hang Zhou? oooi meh…visit him??? thats not a wise choice.

Erm, Vietnam, doesn’t sounds attractive to me too.
What I really want is R&R (rest and relax). Melbourne is still my choice, at least I have Jun there, kinda miss her.
With Jun around, I am always very comfortable and feel appreciated. She’s cool.
I said I can bring a cane over and make sure she does her school work.
She said will bring me to the parks woh.
I imagine myself, without notebook, lying on the green green grass, forget all the worries…
no HE-DONT-LOVE-ME, no BOUGHT-HOUSE-NO-MONEY-MOVE-IN pressure, no WORK-PAYROLL-PPL-BULLY-ME tense…
close my eyes, and I am so light….that I’m floating on the grass….ah, heaven….

So how??? HK or AU or US or JAP or CH????? farn…..farn….farn….

爱疯了。。。不管了。。。尊重我的选择

不敢问却一直想问
你心里藏着什么人
不敢猜却一直想猜
如回去有没有可能
我不够完整
你给的从来不够完整
你一个语气都无法确认
这种缺乏是什么象征
不开灯我不要开灯
我身边容不下别的人
不锁门我不要锁门
你回来是一种信任
我那么的认真
去思考你对我的认真
或许是多么伤害人
而结论始终是疑问
我爱疯了
我疯到自己痛也不晓得
放弃了保护自己的责任
放弃了抵抗脆弱的天份
我不管了
我不管这伤口能不能愈合
选择了你也许是错的人
选择包容了你的不安分
我尊重我的选择

我想我疯了
不开灯我不要开灯
我身边容不下别的人
不锁门我不要锁门
你回来是一种可能
我那么的认真
去思考你对我的认真
或许是多么伤害人
而结论始终是疑问
我爱疯了
我疯到自己痛也不晓得
放弃了保护自己的责任
放弃了抵抗脆弱的天份
我不管了
我不管这伤口能不能愈合
选择了你也许是错的人
选择包容了你的不安分
我尊重我的选择

我想我疯了
请尊重我的选择
我想我
疯了
请尊重我的选择
我想我
疯了

Little Angels

Guess what, I met a real cool guy today.
He told everybody “saya punya mummy angkat picture saya masa berak”……….hahahaha…

And he also told me, “you know hor, when i was bathing, my mummy tried to take picture of me, so I covered my ??(birdie) tight tight, luckily she couldn’t take the picture”

And he talked non stop ever since he entered the office. But the best thing I like about him was when the other day, he called me “Ongki” for the very first time. I was so shocked that he can pronounced it so right. So comfortable as if an old friend of mine.

But he is very lazy. I think he can be very good friend with my dear Audrey Foo Man Man. If got chance, I can try match making them. Hahaha….I love kids, i just love them, cox only kids will not scold me ‘soh hai’ for loving a guy too much. Hahahaha….

He’s Zi Xiang, my boss’s son.

Edited :
Not long after I posted the story, his father sent me the proves that his son is a lazy but honest boy. Didn’t tell lie.

Macam not too good to post pictures like this…ok, anyone wants me to put down these pics, just let me know
I put it by default

My Silly Sister – My Beloved Sister

After the wedding photo shooting session at The Touch.
She was so impressed with what the make up has changed her into.
Yeh, pretty…very pretty…why am I not even 1% look alike her????

Mama, this is not fair?!!!!

强。。。记住要强

需跨多少个山漫漫长路与海
方可真正觅到心里精彩
需经多少次哀几多的障碍赛
才胜利会换来

不知几番跌倒旁人斜视喝采
很不好过但我冲剌不改
只因心中记紧当天可敬父亲
说信我会精彩

强人是你能飞天遁地
其实你了不起
假使你永不说不能做到
强人是你能顶天立地
如败倒再挣起
永没言死才是活着的真理

曾垂头万次仍抬头又次
再战再创这生意义
毋忘慈父那从前留下句子

Will Stop Blogging

I started to blog in August 25, 2004.
Until now, its been 3 years since I wrote my feelings online.
Many friends, visitors, enemies came dropped by.
Until recently, someone told me to blog more, cox he’s my fans.
Someone else told me, let me read your blog, I heard its very funny.
Someone else asked me why blog? and let the whole world to know all your secrets?

I don’t know. I have the habit of keeping a diary since I am in secondary school.
But i usually keep them in a book, until I started to explore the web.
I always feel guilty with my dear bloggie, because I will remember it only when I am sad.
I seldom blog happy things.
My life, my sad stories, are all from those men whom I claimed to love them.
But what did they return to me? Nothing but fears and tears.

Today, I suddenly feel so tired.
Tired of crying, tired of blogging while crying.
I suddenly hate blogging.
Decided to stop blogging on 25 August 2007.
After that, ongkichilam.com will no longer exist.

Wow, who is this dai boh mui in the pic? Ongki? Who is Ongki? can someone tell me who is she?

我错了

为什么， 为什么，为什么， 为什么， 为什么， 为什么，
为什么我会觉得一个恨我，一个很想我死的人会爱我呢？？？
我错了
我错了
我错了
我错了
我错了
我错了

我不该再进入他的世界了， 让他走吧，让他走啦，ongki….
你只能哭，让后再哭，哭， 哭， 哭， 哭， 哭， 哭， 哭，
泪，总有一天会完的。。。
爱就是那么的苦， 如果你决定一辈子爱这个人， 你就要习惯流泪，然后再懂擦干泪看以后。。。
习惯就好。。。

That person who is reading my blog from HZ isn’t him, that’s not him! i am so stupid, so stupid, so stupid!