问世间，情是何物，直教生死相许？

This evening, TV showing the program “志云饭局”. The host invited Gigi and he questioned about her past relationship with Ekin.
Poor girl, she couldn’t control her emotion and she was trying so hard to keep her tears.
But you know what, while this poor beautiful lady is still so heart broken, her ex-lover already started another high profile relationship with another gal!

This got me reminded of another program, where Gigi talks in detail about her feelings, “向世界出發”.

Gigi learnt, Ruru learnt, Ongki learnt too….what did you learnt???

Gigi： 「我學到兩個人相處要真，一定要真。一定要將你全部的感情全拿出來、全挖出來，不問收獲，完全不問收獲地全挖出來.
你喜歡一個人，可以什麼都不顧，跳崖就一同跳下去。當你喜歡一個人的時候，不會有太理性的分析在裡面…」

Ruru： 「爱一个人只要他快乐，即使不在一起也不打紧」

Ongki：「我失去的是一个不爱我的人，他失去的是一个很爱很爱他的人。你说，谁是真正的猪头？？？」

还有一句， 天下男人一样臭 ！！！！

祝我生日快乐

还爱你 带一点恨, 还要时间 才能平衡 。。。 （他祝我开心， 我还能开心吗？？？)

我知道伤心不能改变什么
那么让我诚实一点

诚实 难免有不能控制的宣泄
只有关上了门不必理谁

一个人坐在空荡包厢里面
手机让它休息一夜

难 想切割切掉回忆的画面
眼泪不能流过十二点

生日快乐 我对自己说
蜡烛点了 寂寞亮了

生日快乐 泪也融了
我要谢谢你给的 你拿走的一切

还爱你 带一点恨
还要时间 才能平衡
热恋伤痕 画面重生

祝我生日快乐

22 October

It’s 1.37am of 22nd October now. Just the very first few hours of 22nd.
Still my favorite day
Before this, I always thought that birthday means nothing to me, nobody will really take into heart and it should be let passed just like that. But when I didn’t prepare or expect much, I found that many friends do really wish I will have a happy birthday!
Since last Friday, I have been meeting many friends who made me feel very warm and thankful for their wishes for this day.

Friday night, met CIS friends at The Curve TGIF. It was the actual birth date of JH.
The TGIF crew has some style for celebrating customer’s birthday. They ask the birthday person to stand on the chair, then blow candles, and then the crew will sing birthday song loudly. Then they will sing some songs, which none of us could grasp the meaning of the song. We all just feel that they are more excited than the customers themselves.

Everytime meeting these CIS warriors, I will feel regret for leaving the company. The main reason for leaving was to find new experience and forget those bad memories. But memories are like craved into my brain. Just couldn’t wash away. Even after leaving the company and joining a brand new group of people, it just keeps haunting me. Then why do I want to leave all my beloved friends like the sarcastic Max, the understanding nice ladies like Cassey and Lay Bun, the always-look-sleepy-but-can-tease-till-you-wordless Chan Si. Why? I love these friends.

On Saturday afternoon, met LS and BL, and their kids, respectively. Haha…BL’s son now can talk, I was teaching him to call me ‘Ongki Jeh Jeh’ but BL corrected me, should be ‘Ongki Aunty’. But hey, do I look like an aunty? I guess maybe the term ‘Aunty’ only apply to those married like LS and the soon to be Mrs. Ho.
I have been trying to have LS’s daughter to be my god daughter but so far, I feel that, I am just not doing my responsibility.
She don’t even let me hug her! I must find more times to spend with her. I want her to know I am her god mother

Then later at night, met my best buddies. CKY, CCY and bf at Feeling. Our favorite hang out place since 8 years ago!
Remember during our upper form six days, the 6 of us have to squeeze in A Yat’s “vegetable” car. That’s 1999.
Now its 2007. We are all still the same except that, JY is not around. WL is not in the gang anymore.
But I do appreciate these ppls. They have been very nice to me. They’ve got me a birthday cake! My first cake for this year’s birthday. It was a surprise, i got so shocked when the waitress actually bringing the birthday cake towards me. I thought we were all too old to play this kind of tricks already. But well, it did cheer me up. I know, they know I have been hurt, and they are supporting now. I know, I must not let them dissapointed. I must take good care of myself and ‘zhang hei’.

Then on Sunday night, we met up again. This time A Yat asked for this yum cha session since he was in Penang the night before.
He actually brought me a *special* gift. Erm, well, he was trying to be mysterious. Then when he finally disclosed the *special* gift, I was kinda “huh”! Hahaha…my first gift. Thanks A Yat…very thoughtful of you!

墨尔本的翡翠

This is a song recommended by CKY, loosely translated as “Melbourne’s Jade”.
Quite nice.

卖力地为你唱只迷人情歌
慢慢地步入你的星座
故事情节总会坎坷
惟独有你靠在我身旁

尽力地为你抹去眼角泪光
尽力地避及猛风海浪
烦俗世间太彷徨
无奈青春不够耐看

我深怕我会连累你
让你翻山倒海般痛悲
自问已经筋竭力疲
没有力气竭斯底里

我奋力追追到没法追
追到没法分清我是谁

不止我一人感到疲累
翻天的雨水能令你我都粉碎

我继续追伤痛亦要追
跟接下去想不想倒退
不管你的人被谁占据
都请你原谅我始终带不到墨尔本的翡翠

尽力地为你抹去眼角泪光
尽力地避及猛风海浪
烦俗世间太彷徨
惟独青春不够耐看

我深怕我会连累你
让你翻山倒海般痛悲
自问已经筋竭力疲
没有力气竭斯底里
都请你原谅我始终带不到墨尔本的翡翠我冧迟早有一日你会知道

Dress cost RM600++

I hate that sales girl, why did she want to show me this dress? It’s a very elegant, classy dress.
Thought of buying for myself as birthday gift, but it doesn’t worth it. Unless its sister’s wedding but…

追星，追月

如果我崇拜 chilam 是叫做 ‘追星’， 那你猜猜，chilam 喜欢的东西叫什么？？？
哈哈。。。叫 ‘追月’。 ok, 很无聊，我知道。。。
可是 chilam  镇的很可爱。。。

你看，他拍的照片。。。

现在的我，已经没什么东事能让我重心里笑出来了。 就只有不真实的 chilam。。。

Lovesick!!!! Will that help???

Came across this article from The Star online news.
It’s amazing what the woman did.
Love can really drives a person insane.
Me too….I did sent him many many stupid emails….well, to compare to this woman, I think I am so much wiser…
But really pity her.

Lovesick woman harasses man and wife

PENANG: A 42-year-old car workshop owner has been living in a nightmare after a woman’s constant harassment almost broke up his marriage.
Teoh Chee Wee said the woman, he befriended through an Internet chat room in February, has been sending emails and calling his eight-month pregnant wife between April and September.

“We were only chat buddies and nothing more but in late February the woman, 31, turned up at my workshop in Batu Maung asking for a job.
“I told her there was no vacancy but she was so persistent that I gave in and allowed her to work with me on a voluntarily basis as she had an interest in vehicle insurance claims.

“Everything was fine until April when she used my e-mail to send messages to my wife telling her baseless things that almost broke up our marriage,” he said Thursday.
Teoh said he allowed the woman to use his e-mail to enable her to e-mail his customers with regards to insurance claims.

“In June, the woman expressed her love for me but I rejected her advances.
“On Aug 17, she cut her wrist and made a police report saying I was the one who did it. I lodged a counter report when the investigating officer contacted me.

“Five days later on my birthday, she sent my wife a mutilated picture of us to her office in Butterworth,” he told a press conference called by Gerakan Service Bureau chairman Looi Swee Cheang.
Teoh said from August to September, the woman harassed his wife with SMSes alleging that he had extra marital affairs.

“She even tailed me in her car a few times when I took my wife and three children for dinner after work. This has caused her much distress,” he said.
Teoh said he conducted his own investigations and discovered the woman from Lunas, Kedah, was actually married.

Terrible mood today

It’s a real bad day. Broke into tears few times.
Miss him a lot. Talked to JH, then FC.
FC told me to pull myself up from the hole.
He told me not to live in other’s past.
Sounds right.

Don’t know, everything is easy to say but do they know how difficult is it to do?
Mix feelings in me. Hate, angry, sad, confuse, devasted, exhausted.
Suddenly feel like want to get some alcohol and get drunk. Then will vomit, will cry and headache.
I see the tendancy to torture myself already.
But I promise after that, I will live well.
Maybe this Saturday night, get someone to go pub and dance, and drink! Tequille pop please!!!

Importance has no priority

When you lost the MOST important thing, I mean MOST, the number ONE important thing in your life,
the less important, or the second important or third important things has became NO important at all….

Then why ppl still ask me to focus on the less important, when I do not have my MOST important?

十月

半个十月又过去了， 感觉真的很快。

没做过什么就过去了。 岁月真的不留人啊。

一年十二个月，最喜欢就是十月。尤其是二十二号。是我的特别日子。

最后一次庆祝生日就是在十八岁那一年。有好多好朋友，好多礼物。最重要的是有 LJ 的出现。

不过那一次过后就没有再庆祝了。 忙这过生活。

可是生活过得并不好。 常常都是不如意的。 一年比一年糟。

有朋友找我去庆祝，可是我都说，“没什么好庆祝的。这一年我做得不好，当作是惩罚吧，没有生日”。

去年的我，是最不开心的我。是泪水陪伴着我。约好的，说过的，期待的，实现不了。永远的遗憾。

今年，本来是做喜事的，可是上帝真的是在 “玩也”。 喜事没了，问题一摞摞。

昨天晚上，当我在忍着眼泪想起一个我不该想的人的时候， 姐姐跑来对我说，

“这三十几年来，这一次是我人生就大的难关”。

我无声了。 心在骂自己，我的问题，比起姐姐的，不是一个天，一个地吗？？

家里没有一天是开心的。姐姐不断在谈起，妈妈在伤心的看着姐姐。

我呢？？？ 妈妈说我只是在睡觉， 什么都不管。

听到有点伤心，应为我心里为他们担忧的痛他们没看到。 最糟的是，我自己的病也在复发了。 

你说，还要庆祝生日吗？？？庆祝个屁。。。请不要对我说 “生日快乐”， 求求你。