苦苦苦苦苦苦苦苦

Ongki today want to teach a character, “苦”.
I have written 8 times of “苦”, then I really means its really 苦.
苦 consist of 3 十 and a 口. The 3 十 is on top of the 口.
苦原来是三个十字架压着一个口， 有口难言。

So the word 苦 is really three cross pressing on a mouth.
Have to borrow this image from Bitterstick gal.
One word, kena stabbed from all over. Hurt, bleeding all over.
Nothing to say except that its hurt.
Would like to give a lot of “reasons” but if those being spoken out is just “excuses” which nobody will really agree with me.
And I don’t want to complain anymore, because according to “How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be”, the first principle taught us not to complain and to take 100% responsibility of what we did.
Principle 2 and 3 said, “Be clear why you are here. Decide what you want”

Already said, I do not enjoy what I did, I did not do well, and I am now definitely demotivated to work it on.
I think I seriously need to think if I need changes. To know what I really want and how and where to achieve it.

I was too sad today that right after the meeting, I drive home, first day of the past whole week to leave this early.
Can’t stay any longer there, been working so hard but nothing is coming back.
“…menahan sebak di dada”. Tears already can’t wait to fall.
But despite the sadness, I find a reason to congratulate myself, at least first time crying in 2008 is not because of love!
Thats a good turning point wat…

Once reached home, which was only 8 something, then I just dropped down my “heavy” bag, take out my ipod, lie on the bed and listen to my fav music. Then sleep until just now, at about 12am…
Still feeling down now but I know, I can’t afford to stop things just like this.
I need to move ahead and work even more and more harder to get things done.
Whether will get appreciated is another issue, whether will get negative feedbacks again is another thing that I can’t control.
But I know, I have to do my best.
I know, this time I am not doing my best, thus feeling this bad.
But I promise myself, I will not let myself down again next time.
Ongki can lose anything but not confidence!!!!!!
Once I have the power and right to justify my work, I will let them know, they have misjudged me….

Very soon, I will be the only one…

I’ve got to bring up this picture again.
Just had dinner with Li San, Chee Fai and Fei Fei.
Fei Fei brought along Teddy and a good news as well.
They are getting married somewhere this year.

My mind then recalled this post about how I am always the lonely one in my house during the university life.
This is going to be a fact real soon. ONGKI IS STILL THE LEFT OVER
Not that I can’t accept this fact, it’s just that there’s still a voice in me which keep laughing at myself.
Is it fated like that? Pre-destined? But what’s wrong with me?
Came home, I keep thinking, what’s wrong with Ongki? Why am I never approaching 幸福？ どして？？？
The reality is, Ongki is approcahing her 30′s.
Like my colleagues who sang this song,

十个女仔九个认细
明明系老巨话唔系
三张几野扎起辫仔
青春美丽就无失礼

It is somehow easy for me to find an answer for myself. To make myself feel better.
Like what’s in the movies plot, the heroin, if they are among a group of girls, she will always be the last to meet their prince and then the story will end with a, “…and then they live happily ever after”.
Why leh? Because the girl is special ma. They will either have extraordinary fate or they will change at a certain plot.
Hehe, very forceful, am I?

Anyway, like what I always believe, I give in myself to god for his arrangement,

命裏有時終須有，命裏無時莫強求

More Weddings in 2008

Attended a lot, it’s a lot, really a lot of weddings in 2007.
1) Shin Yin & James
2) Suet Mui & Andy
3) Fei Tseh & Vincent
4) Mei Har & Mathew
5) Chee Yan & Alan
6) Peng Siang & Pei Sze

Already attended in 2008:
1) Nguk Pui

More in 2008:
1) Nicole & Bing Han
2) Loke Foong & Yim Lye
3) Fei Fei & Teddy
4) Poh Li & Joe

A Nightware Week

A week of nightmare. I don’t feel that I have sleep at all.
Does not enjoy what I am doing now.
Feeling bad, sad, and totally kill all my confidence.

Another match making session

Yesterday A Yat and his soon-to-be wife arranged a pan mee lunch, and their intention was pretty obvious, to intro me to their friend
Aih, my dear friends…I really don’t know how to describe them.
Angry? am not, Happy? Why do I?

I have grown up, u know why?
Many friends has been asking me on my requirements for future partner. So my list is as below:

1) rich – at least driving Benz
2) rich – at least can fully pay for my apartment
3) rich – at least can pay for my apartment installment monthly
4) rich –
5) rich -
6) rich -

As for their appearance, I don’t mind anymore. Be it short, fat, plump, ugly…as long as $$$!!!!

Wuahahaha….”mature”, am I?

我告诉你一个小方法

如果你要讨厌一个人， 子要想到他坐在马桶上很难 ‘嗯嗯’ 的样子， 哪这个人你就会讨厌到爆了。。。

Books Reading : How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be

This is a book I bought many weeks ago at MPH with a cost of RM39.90.
Didn’t serioulsy read the book yet, only bringing it into the toilet
But I will actively read the book. Execution!!!!

Principle 1: Take 100% Responsibility for Your Life

“…most of us have been conditioned to blame something outside of ourselves for the parts of our life we don’t like.
We blame out parents, our bosses, our friends, the media, our coworkers…our lack of money – anyone or anything we can pin the blame on. We never want to look at where the real problem is – ourselves”

…”There is a wonderful story told about a man who is out walking one night and comes upon another man down on his kneees looking for something under a streetlamp. The passerby offers to help and gets down on his knees and helps him search for the key. After an hour of fruitless searching, he says, “We’ve looked everywhere for it and we haven’t found it. Are you sure that you lost it here?”
“The other man replies, “No, I lost it in my house, but there is more light out there under the streetlamp”.

My lesson:

1) Don’t blame my car for breaking down.
My problem is, I didn’t send the car for service.

6) Don’t blame my nose for always catching flu.
My problem is, I didn’t take good care of my own health.

10 career resolutions for the new year

Another year has arrived, and with it, the traditional resolutions. Below are 10 resolutions for IT professionals. None of them deals with diet or exercise, because we know most of those fail within two weeks. Instead, these resolutions are aimed at helping you expand your knowledge, sharpen your skills, develop better professional relationships, and advance your career.

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Achievements on first week of 2008

Kinda satisfied with what I have achieved this week,

1) reached office no later than 930am, I know, later than 9am is still late but hey, at least there is improvement and 3 of my colleagues did compliment that “there is improvement”
2) taken breakfast every morning
3) less food at night – didn’t take much rice!
4) meeting friends, spend less time on computer
5) keep promise to show up during appointment with friends, didn’t fong fei kei because of moody
6) start taking note on the money spent, estimating and planning
7) went to gym!
didn’t browse his website!!!!!!!!! yeh yes yes!

But of course, there are few things that I need to improve

1) spend $$$ carefully and wisely I bought some feng shui stuffs at around RM300!!
2) still need to control appetite – always feel like want to eat everything!
3) more concentration at work, and work according to plan

These few days, I have been meeting a lot of friends. With HL, GE, WB, we had dinner at a restaurant near my house.
The food was good, although i paid for the dinner but i think its fine, since its not always HL will initiate meeting ups like this.
Then we even had yum cha session nearby until about 12 midnight!
Chat a lot, from the Health Minister sex scandal to withdrawing money from EPF for housing loan
It did alarm me about my messy $$$ planning. So once I reached home, I was writing down all my debts and earnings.
Damn it, debt on PTPTN can never be reduced to a figure less than 20k although I am paying every month.
And my credit card, I have decided to zerolise all outstanding amount

But ah, my car broke down again today! While I was on my way to client office!
Damn it, I spent a lot for taking cab thru and back!
I am really fed up with this car! But i am not willing to get a new car and start paying installment again, then how?
What should I do?
Money not enough!!!!!!

I will start buying Big Sweep tomorrow!
Promised CIS friends that, if I kena, will buy each of them a MyVi and of course a Benz for myself

Car broke down again!

my stupid bastard bloody kanasai car broke down again!!!!!!
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!