只能执迷。。。而不悔

Best describe my feelings…no regret…let it be…

这一次我执著面对 任性地沉醉
我并不在乎 这是错还是对
就算是深陷 我不顾一切
就算是执迷 我也执迷不悔
别说我应该放弃 应该睁开眼
我用我的心 去看去感觉
你并不是我 又怎能了解
就算是执迷 就让我执迷不悔

我不是你们想得如此完美
我承认有时也会辨不清真伪
并非我不愿意走出迷堆
只是这一次
这次是自己而不是谁

要我用谁的心去体会
真真切切的感受周围
就算痛苦就算是泪
也是属於我的伤悲
我还能用谁的心去体会
真真切切地感受周围
就算疲倦就算是累
只能执迷 而不悔

我还是我。。。

和你在一起的时间就只有那短短几个月。 被你伤害也好几个月.
可是，好难过哦， 18个月以后，现在的我，感觉还是那天的我。
我还是那天心都破的一块一块的我。还是那天吵着要生要死的我。。。
我还是那天哭着离开宿舍的大笨蛋。
还是在那个冰冷的晚上，拖着大行李哭着去公司的笨女人。
还是那个在你面前，求你看看我的大傻瓜。
还是那个在倫敦被你刷开的丑女人。

可是，我也还是那天笑着一个人往去天津的我。
还是那天在你房间听故事的我。
还是那天和你一起拜神的我。
还是那天和你坐在河边谈谈心的我。
你呢？？ 你变了。 变得愈来愈好吧。
看着你的照片，看到你的幸福了。 我说过，你的幸福就是我的幸福。
在我深深的心里面，我是真的为你开心的。
我不会想要我爱过的人不开心的，真的。。。应为我还是那个深深地爱着你的傻 ongki…

It hurtz….

everytime u r here

Cutie…

Lovette, my cousin’s daughter
Feel like wanna eat her yummy

Poor guy….Ongki forgives u!

I think he can be forgiven.
Note that he started his speech with a deep sigh, and then ended it with some “menahan sebak di dada” (holding back sadness)?
Poor guy, poor handsome guy, poor handsome sex lover guy, poor handsome sex lover who take photo guy, poor handsome sex loser photo guy who can act very well and sing quite nice…just too bad…
I started to hate that guy who exposed the photos. I think not only Edison needs to see physcology doctor but he has to recommend the doc to this coward-guy-who-exposed-the-photo.
What does he earn? except spoiling others human being? That’s a sin…If I am god of hell, i would have punished him to be a sex slaves for his next and next and next life , then die of too hard sex, again and again!

Back to edc, sex is part of human life ma No right or wrong, he didn’t take the pics without consent. He didn’t publish the pics himself. He didn’t meant to show his **** to the world ma….
Even Daniel Wu mentioned in his blog “… if sex has been part of Chinese culture for thousands of years, why is it such a taboo subject now?..”
But still, I really don’t understand why want to transfer those memories into pieces?
Enjoy those moment through the feeling and brain cells will do ler…why must be in such detail?????
In my mind, my first question will be, how will the ladies react upon this? Sad? Angry at Edison?
Will they blame him? Blame him for leaking the pics? Blame him for taking the pics?
Or blame him for too many lovers at one time?

Today I have come back to Hong Kong to stand before you and account for myself. I have never escaped from my responsibility. During the past few weeks, I have been with my mother and my family and my loved ones to show support and care and at the same time to have them support and care for me.

I admit that most of the photos being circulated on the Internet were taken by me. But these photos are very private and have not been shown to people and are never intended to be shown to anyone. These photos were stolen from me illegally and distributed without my consent.

There is no doubt whoever obtained these photos have them uploaded on the Internet with malicious and deliberate intent. This matter has deteriorated to the extent that society as a whole has been affected by this. In this regard, I am deeply saddened. I would like now to apologize to all the people for all the suffering that has been caused and the problems that have arisen from this. I would like to apologize to all the ladies and to all their families for any harm or hurt that they have been feeling. I am sorry. I would like to also apologize to my mother and my father for the pain and suffering I have caused them during the past few weeks. Most importantly, I would like to say sorry to all the people of Hong Kong. I give my apology sincerely to you all, unreservedly and with my heart.

I know young people in Hong Kong look up to many figures in our society. And in this regard, I have failed. I failed as a role model. However, I wish this matter will teach everyone a lesson. To all the young people in our community, let this be a lesson for you all. This is not an example to be set for you.

During my time away, I have made an important decision. I will whole-heartedly fulfill all commitments that I have to date. But after that, I decided to step away from the Hong Kong entertainment industry. I have decided to do this to give myself an opportunity to heal myself and to search my soul. I will dedicate my time to charity and community work within the next few months. I will be away from Hong Kong entertainment industry indefinitely. There is no time frame.

I have been assisting the police since the first day the photos were published and I will continue to assist them. After this press con., I have obligation to help them with their investigation and hope that this case can end soon as everyone I think has the same wish.

I would like to use this opportunity to thank the police for their hard work on this case. Thank you. I believe everyone’s priority now (and) my priority now is to stop the suffering and pain, for not letting this…we do not want to let this situation become more out of control. We need to protect all the innocents and all the young from matters like this. In this regard, I have instructed my lawyers to do everything possible within the law to protect all the innocents, victims of this case. I believe that a press statement is being issued as we speak on what my lawyers have advised me to do.

Lastly, I would like to thank everyone for coming here today and listening to what I have to say. I would like to also apologize once again to all the ladies and their families, my family and to everyone in Hong Kong and everyone in our society. I am deeply saddened by this. And I apologize to everyone (who) has to go through this. I would like to also thank you for giving me this opportunity to say what I have wanted to say all along in my heart.

I hope, after today, I can have your forgiveness. With regard to this case, with everything, everything that has happened, I am deeply sorry. I hope you all accept my apology and give me a chance.

Thank you.

Juan getting married

Just came back from a whole day outing with my ex-coursemates.
Despite losing some $$$ in the blackjack game, I am feeling happy as I do appreciate the times spent with my fellow friends.

But when reached home, I checked my email.
Yesterday sent an email to LJ regarding my visit to Sydney for his graduation asking if he will be free to bring me around the city by then.
Read his reply. Until the part where he said he will be too busy taking care of his relatives and gf’s relatives, I am still fine as this is really expected. I am sure he will be very busy, that’s why send email to ask his opinion whether I should go at that time.
But when I read further more, he wrote,

gotta tel u this..
i just proposed my gf!
We’re planning to get registered here in sydney in may, same day as my graduation.

I feel so sad, but of course deeply in my heart, I am glad of this wonderful news.
But still, am sad! Very sad!!!! Sad!!!!!
But why? Why sad? Most of my friends will think it must be because ‘someone I love getting married, the bride isn’t me’, that’s why am sad.
But no, not because I am still in love with him and there is still hope in me that I can be with him.
Wrong, totally wrong.
I said before, I don’t love him anymore. That kind of feeling for him has gone since another HIS presence in my life.
To me, Juan is just like my ‘hero’. I admire him. I am proud to have him as my friend.
When HE hurt me, I seek Juan advise. I listen to him and he shared his story with me.
He once told me before that, I am sometimes more closer than his family, as I will always be fully supporting him, trust him and have faith in him. In fact, I do. Always admire everything that he has done in his life.
So, if I don’t love him, why do i feel sad to hear the news about his marriage?
Because to forget HIM is not easy. I always have to change my attention back to Juan whenever I think of HIM.
I always try to get back the feeling of loving Juan, even if its just a one sided love before HE came into my life.
But if Juan is married, I will feel guilty to think like this.
Then without Juan in my life, who else can I put into my heart to replace HIM ??????

Be my Valentine, Coffee Prince

My latest obsession….Coffee Prince…just nice for this Valentine…only if someone sings like that to me…my heart will melt

…That night, Eun Chan falls asleep while on the phone with Han Gyul, and he leaves her on speakerphone — and awakens the next morning with a laugh to realize Eun Chan is still snoring into her phone. He hangs up and calls back to serenade her with the song “I Love You,” originally sung by Han Dong Joon…”

Full original song here…

Norul Saranghae Lyrics / I Love You (Coffee Prince)
Original Singer: Han Dong Joon 한동준 / Romanization by Kreah

achimi onun soriye munduk chameso ggaeyo
nae pumane chamdun noyege
woohh wooh woohh
norul saranghae

nae-ga him-gyo-ul ttae-mada nonun hangsang nae-gyote
ttasuhage o-kkael kamssamyo
woohh wooh woohh
norul saranghae

yongwonhi uriyege sodulpun ibyorun opso
ttae-ronun sulpume nunmuldo hulli-ji-man

onjena nowa hamkke sae-ha-yan kkumul kkumyonso
hanuri urirul kalla nuhulttae kkaji
woohh wooh woohh
norul saranghae

nae-ga him-gyo-ul ttae-mada nonun hangsang nae-gyote
ttasuhage o-kkael kamssamyo
woohh wooh woohh
norul saranghae

yongwonhi uriyege sodulpun ibyorun opso
ttae-ronun sulpume nunmuldo hulli-ji-man

onjena nowa hamkke sae-ha-yan kkumul kkumyonso
hanuri urirul kalla nuhulttae kkaji
woohh wooh woohh
norul saranghae
norul saranghae

English Translation

Title: I Love You (Singer: Dong Joon Han)
Lyrics Translation by Sang / also credit: http://kreah-craze.com

I wake, the approach of morning rouses me
And to you, asleep in my arms
(Oh)
I love you
When I’m fighting an uphill battle
You warmly hug me
(Oh)
I love you
We will never have a forlorn farewell
While we may cry because of the sorrow
We will always share our dreams
Until the sky keeps us apart
(Oh)
I love you
When I’m fighting an uphill battle
You warmly hug me
(Oh)
I love you
We will never have a forlorn farewell
While we may cry because of the sorrow
We will always share our dreams
Until the sky keeps us apart
(Oh)
I love you

万事如意

恭喜发财！！！
This is the second day of chinese new year. Listen and spoken a lot of good chinese words these few days.
Gong hei fat choy, man si yu yi, sheng ti jian kang….but how many of us really speak and really mean what does it means?
Didn’t try to digest much of these once-a-year-spoken-wishes-to-get-angpow sentences before this, but now, its like a lightning strike on my head!
On the chinese 30th night, we spent the evening at A Yat’s place, and we watched a chinese film together, namely, “万事如意”.
It was the main theme of the film, as it says about how a man gets his wishes fullfilled from the angels.
I envy the man so much, everything turned from bad to great for him, just because he is the lucky one to be spotted by the angel.

万事如意？？？…最近我才体会到什么叫 ‘人生不如意的事就是十常八九’而我也是刚刚才感受的到不如意的事就一直在我身边发生。
真的好想好想不如意的事情就永永远远的离开我和家人了。 上帝，球你啦。。。好不好？？！！

What are my wishes then? Let me close my eyes now, and think carefully, just in case, god read my blog too and would like to fullfill

1) Sister’s bf will fully recovered very soon, and they can proceed with their wedding! Am willing to have my life shorten by 2 years for this to be fullfilled.

2) My brothers will get a girlfriend very soon.

3) My parents good health.

3) I hope, my career will move ahead and it will be fruitful very soon.

5) If I am not destined to be alone, please let me meet ongki’s ‘The One’, who understand her, who is willing to accept her good and bad, who is willing to listen to her and will not leave her forever. Just mend her broken heart now

不用万事如意， 五个如意就好。。。谢谢！！！！！

I sleep like this…

Preparing for Chinese New Year, 2008

I didn’t realise I haven’t buy any new clothes, to be exact, haven’t done a single thing for the coming Chinese New Year on last Thursday. I was stunned to look at the calendar only to “realise” that the first day of CNY will be just next week.
Staring at my colleague, I was stunned. Then only i started to plan for shopping on the 1st Feb public holiday.

But on that day itself, which is a Friday, I didn’t manage to do any shopping. I changed my mind.
I went to my favorite hair+beauty salon, did a RM98 facial. Bought a RM170 facial cleanser and had an “interesting” RM120 hairdo.
I didn’t like it. So does everyone around me But looking at the mirror again and again, I think it’s acceptable.
If I chose to trust David(the hair dresser), then I should really trust him 100%.
Moreover, am always not a beauty what, do whatever hairdo also not pretty one la…so, why bother about that?

The next day, went shopping with sister at MV. Only managed to buy one woolen blouse for office wear and one very normal sleeveless tee
Oh god, I don’t have many presentable clothes in my wardrobe anymore, I desperately need some new clothes.
I think will need to hunt again, maybe on Wednesday, just a day before the first day of CNY. Well, normally it’s easier to shop on that day since most people already left KL for hometown.
But I did buy something that I have been wishing for so long. A diamond necklace
Ok, a diamond pendant with a 18K chain. The one I really spotted was a heart shape dunno-how-many-carrat-but-quite-big diamond pendant.
But the price would means I can get another HP notebook! Meaning all my clearing of the credit card debt is not in effect!
No way…so I opt for another cheaper option. Smaller diamond but I think it’s quite nice. Simple but I like it.
This is the very first diamond I bought in my life! Was very excited. Will wear during this CNY of course
So my aim is to double up the diamond size every year!!! Ohoooo……women is always diamond’s best friend!

Received SMS from Sidney, she just delivered a baby boy, name Ryan. I am sure this boy will be one of the luckiest human on earth! Because he was born to be Sidney and Gary’s son!

Father told about the news of many China ppl couldn’t go back to their hometown because of the frozen snow covering up the train rail. I was a bit sad to hear this. My mind flashes ppl like, Ma Jun and Terry Wang who live in Inner Mongolia, then Huang Xiang who is from Hunan, then forgot that guy’s name who is from Fujian.
I then chat with Ma Jun. True, he said it is very difficult to get train. And oh, when I randomly asked him about having a baby, he told he they are expecting this May Aha, efficient enough! Am glad! Ma Jun is now a father! Erm….

YZ also messaged me about her visit to Malaysia. She’ll be in KL on the 5th.
Maybe because of this, I recalled many many past things, especially today.
The sweet ones, the pain ones, the suffer ones, the regrets one, the uncertain ones.
I have many worries, which Ongki should I show her and SF? Should I question her directly?
Is she the real one or the fake one? What kind of “weapon” should I bring along when meeting her?
Or should I let them read me like an open book again?
I am very confuse. I still don’t know what to do yet….
U guys tell me…..what should I do????