Eating a lot!!!!

It’s crazy how did I have a superb good appetite recently
Could it be because of my superb good mood too?

Last night, I was so urged to ‘operate’ the coding of that module to see how things inside works…but only managed to reach 20% (at about 260 out of 1000++ lines).
It was tiring because I was like a detective, go investigate here and there, trying to guess what it’s doing :S

Later at about midnight, I actually suggested to CKY to go for supper.
And we went to the 118 foodcourt near my office for a real real real supper.
We were like starved for ages, ordered grilled fish, chicken wings, fried lala, prawn mee, and a pot of seafood porridge!
We finished ALL the foods within an hour time! I even have two drinks!
Amazing how both of us decided to ignore the consequences and eat like we were the slimmest creature in this world.
We were chatting happily while eating and tell you what, I do not even bother about my ugly eating style at all. Using fingers to tear the chicken wings apart, and then to peel the prawn, with big wide mouth to put in the big piece of the grilled fish…..
One word….’song’!!!!!!!

But it was really full, too full that I can’t get to sleep too soon after reached home.
Playing games for a while, and then turn on the air-con and sleep like A PIG!
Yes, a PIG!

And this afternoon, before meeting up with client at Menara Keck Seng, my colleague and I had lunch at about 2pm at Food Republic food court at Pavilion.
I had a Vongole. But it was tasteless bad.
Maybe because of that, again, right after the meeting, around 5.30pm, I took another pan mee again!
And just now, after came home from office, around 11.30pm, I just can’t resist the wonderful dishes that mom made!
My superb favorite mushroom braised with chicken! I took two plates of rice!
Oh! So aweful!!!!!!!!!! When is my stomach gonna break?!!!!!
And the most terrifiying thing is, I didn’t output No urge to ‘bang sai’ at all.
Erm….
Operate my stomach and you’ll see the foods inside transforming to fats…..yucks!!!!!!!

Tomorrow! Tomorrow I will start dieting!!!! I will, okay?

The grave of an ended relationship

I am feeling very good recently.
I have been being myself. Doing what I love to do, working, programming, doing web and most of all, no more crying, no more feeling troubled, no more insomnia, no more bad dreams.

Frankly, I am not sure how did ‘what my boss did’ make me put a dot to my undead bad feelings for that past relationship.
What he did is just seeing that guy and then tell me,
“…I am seeing him on your behalf, to ensure he’s living his life well and a sign that you should move on with yours too”.
I listened but this is not what changed me.
It’s when i feel ashame of myself, how could such ugly, horrible, embarassing and humiliating story is evolving so much!!! That my boss actually met HIM!
Who am I? Who is HE????????
I think it really needs to be stopped! I am too old to play the game of ‘cheong ching’.
I spent nine years, admiring LJ who never look at me at all.
Nine years is enough. Two years weeping for HIM is also enough.

Recently a buddy told me about his gf has been unfaithful to him.
Well, it did trigger the memories of us but hey…I only remember, I am no more crying or depressed, okay! Reading the past entries from we began, stopped and all the tortures I suffered.
I think it’s amazing I went through all this.

I think, human does grow from this. It’s part of everyone’s life.
It made us appreciates more, like what OC said.

Recently I laugh a lot. Laughed out loud. Really loud!
Although tired and exhausted coaching those freshies but that makes my experiences counts, isn’t it?
The book am reading said, ‘Just do it! There is no perfect time to start something. It will never happen’.
Yes, just do it! Focus on your core genius! Do the thing that you can do best.
Delegate appropriately.

In the office, there are few young boys that worth me to introduce a bit.
One of them is this KTAR student, who didn’t give me good impression at the beginning.
Looks like lazy as a snake. Smart yes but not wanting to do more.
But getting to know him more, he’s actually more interesting than just his ability to sing like gary-chaw or his special habit of relating-everything-to-bang-sai.
Yes, the Bang Sai king!!!
I remember how he rejected to learn Accounting when someone presented this topic during company meeting.
But surprisingly, I heard him saying, ‘I want to learn Accounting’ when he was assigned a task to solve a bug! Eiiii……I like to hear this!!!!
Spending more times with him, understand that he loves music, and music to his means are real music and not just those love love songs.
He introduced me to this Russian high-nose high pitch singer, “Vitas”.
Something new to me, although I still prefer my love love songs.
He’s just the best freshies in my eyes. Willing to learn, ask the right questions.

Another boy, the Mr.Bear, whom I changed his name to Mr.Panda when he was bearing two big eyes bags with him.
He’s soooooo cute. So chubby!!!! So fatty!!!!!!! Especially on that t-shirt which is not so fit on him!
I asked him to be my pet brother but he said ‘Dowan’ So mean!!!!!

Tired…..want to sleep liao…continue next time…

Work until 12 mid night!

Ongki is back! No problema….

Photography Class – Lesson 1

Introducing my photography sifu, deng deng deng…. Hugo Teng!
Search google, you’ll find some interesting pictures taken by him.
Saw a small bits of his work, its good! Really good!

Today went to his place and he taught me a lot about Aperture, Shutter, ISO, photograhpy techniques etc.
It didn’t take a lot of times as he lectured as if gonna catch a flight soon….quick and straight to the point. But I learnt a great deal, as I am really zero in the real photography world among these professional photographers.
Together with his gf, he then took me to a pond nearby, I fed him with a ‘mee goreng’ + ‘mata kerbau’, and he kept giving me more and more inputs. Hehe…

See, this dull pic of a mee taken by me

And then he showed me a different angle to take these kind of pic,

Me trying myself,

Oh yes, introducing our part time model today, the-sleepy-but-keep-disturbed-by-camera cat.
Taken by Hugo.

Tags: aperture, hugo, iso, photography, shutter

Upgrade to WordPress 2.6

Upgrade successful, but when trying to update each plugins, some looks not compatible.
Causing javascript error…mmmm….

老板，生日快乐

卡是我走了很久才买到的。。。

你知道吗，今天的我，没有他的我，是因为你。。。谢谢你。。。
为你带来的压力，对不起。。。我会改经，要多 + ！！！

Tags: boss

Mount Climbing at Bukit Tabur, Taman Melawati

I had the most interesting and tough mount climbing expedition in my life.
Well, I only had the first and only climbing experience at Mount Kinabalu prior, gee….
But I think it’s amazing how did I always do the tough thing without any preparation!
Remember going up to Mt. KK without any practice, not even a simple jogging, and I followed four guys going up all the way, and moreover, these guys chose the longer trail than the other one which is easier and shorter.
Although didn’t make it till the top, but I think to reach the rest house after walking for 6000++ km, equivalent to 8 hours time, was something very amazing for Ongki already.

This time, it was another big big challenge. It’s breathtaking!
Mt.KK to compare with this, it’s really nothing, except that it might take 10 times longer or even more to reach the peak and the peak is much colder, that everyone has to wear like a ninja turtle.

A colleague actually suggested to go. He kept showing us all the beautiful pictures of the scenery.
But he never mention anything about the difficult trail at all
I didn’t ask about these difficulty, only worry about my stamina, might not be able to reach top.
Didn’t come across my mind at all that the trail is really rock climbing all the way!
Just the very first step once we got into the starting point.
Climbing rock up and down, sliding my buttock down, hanging on rope, going up and down of a 90 degrees steep rock, to leap from one rock to another, open up my legs for more than 90 degrees that I am so worry my short pant will ‘brrr eaa akkkk’…
…and all these are without any safety equipment.
Imagine, just a slight mistake, or a careless slip will means that you will be rolling down all the way down the hill, any maybe say bye bye to the world already.
When did life has been this fragile?!!!!
Collegue called this hill like Crystal Hill but after searching through the Internet, the name seems to be ‘Bukit Tabur’ and widely known if it’s located at Bukit Melawati.
Someone wrote about this and I agree so much till the extend of putting up my legs.

Furthermore, there was no safety measure at all, the mountain is real, unless walking on the path, you can’t really step on other places. Just one small mistake and there you go rolling down all the way to the bottom of the mountain. Scary >.<. There are times where you need to face backward to climb down and you can’t even look below. If your hand lost balance, one word: DOOMED. Oh yeah, long legs are very very useful here, you can easily reach high platform and also lower ones. But wearing a track bottom will constrict your movement a lot. I always feared that my pants will tear if I go too far or open my legs too big

Although its really tiring and torturing physically, I guess everyone had a great trip.
There were 6 of us.
ZC aka ‘fei chai’ (the experienced one),
KW aka ‘zimzui’ (the poor guy who has to carry my troublesome camera bag )
Kenny aka ‘botak’ (the injured guy)
Ken aka ‘fei lou’ (the loudest one)
and of course,
Ongki aka ‘obasan’ and
Felicia aka ‘obasan geh friend’.

We are not supposed to call each others name in the forest, so we call by nick name. And they called me ‘obasan’….erm… coz I am the oldest loh! So bad…
Oh yes, must emphasis the objectives I join this trip:
1) release tension, get away from the computer
2) breath some real good air
3) formally launch my Canon EOS 450D

And I did. Each has been achieved.
Have to wake up at 330am in the morning, fetch Felicia, met the guys at Setapak about 5am, had breakfast until about 6am, and then started the journey. The sky was still dark that we have to use the torchlight.
I was actually trying to ‘chase the sun’ coz hoping to reach the look out point that can see sun rise.
Although we did reach at about 7am++, we still couldn’t see sun rise because of the clouds blocking.

Look at these,

Felicia and I,

Many more pictures here
And somemore pictures of me taken by others,

Thousand Arms Guan Yin???

During lunch, a trusted colleague of mine commented that I am a 千手观音 (Thousand Arms Guan Yin).
I was quite puzzled and surprised for a while, but I didn’t ask him to elaborate what does that means, coz it’s quite obvious that is a negative feedback to me.

According to wikipedia, Amitabha appointed Guan Yin with thousand arms to help her to aid the people.
But how does that describe me? I asked myself. What is he trying to mean?

After a while, I think he was trying to say that I was delegating responsilities out, without doing myself.
Or, I wasn’t contributing as much as I am suppose to be.
The whole day, I was quite taken aback by this but since I believe he is someone whom can be trusted and not trying to create conflicts or not those kind of ppl who simply give comments, I actually point the finger back to myself. What did I do or what didn’t I do that is causing people to describe me like that?

I think it is quite true, from his point of view, I didn’t help him as much as he expects.
But isn’t he aware that I am engaged in another new project and I too, was struggling with my role to train the newcomer?
I did take up new initiatives, tried to make decisions and was trying to create standard here and there to drive the team to achieve our number one goal, to achieve zero bug and quality system…also to ease his job, didn’t I?
Ever since I found the FIRE button in me, I have been building up my confidence, telling myself to voice out loud and defense what should be and what shouldn’t be.
I have been against most of the people, but everytime before I voice out my opinion, I asked myself three times, ‘…Is what I am going to reply them make sense?’.
Once I answered myself YES for three times, I will go ahead with my decision and idea.
Sometimes, I am too lazy to explain, and just say NO to them. Haha…

However, I should ‘stand on the table’ to see things from different angle.
Maybe he is right, I need to do more than what I am doing.
So starting from last evening, I listed all that I have promised that I will do.
Also will start to do what he expect me to do more…

No pain, no gain. I am sure my effort today will be appreciated some day later.
Ganbatte…

So then, out of curiosity, I draw to visualise how do I look like with thousand arms,

My darling speaks to me…

My new darling, Mr.Canon EOS is playing with my mind…

Dead Rose Lonely

Bear Bear Keep An Eye On Rossie

Makan PHP Minum PHP

I Seriously Need To Be On Diet

End of June

Many many things happened in June.
It’s been a while since I updated my bloggie. But there are plenty that I want to blog.
Let’s go one by one.

At work. The middle level seniors are given more and more responsibilities.
Attend requirement meetings, lead the team, coach interns, see test track…basically do everything that were used to be done by the four seniors last time.
Yes, four seniors, including the team manager.
Three seniors left company and the manager were changed to another role.
Everyone’s role in the company were shifted up one level.
Everyday is a busy day, even before we can digest the changes, pressure actually creeps in without I really knowing it.

Let me list down what I have to do nowadays:
1) ensure i don’t show black face to the ppl who asked for my guidance
2) coach and explain what are they doing, what they need to do
3) ensure the bugs in my assigned list is done
4) check others work to ensure they are following standard
5) worry about new project timeline
6) think of the new project modules
7) research of the technical things

Last week, we had a very interesting Xeersoft Day. Nobody work on that day.
About 40 fella squeezed in the office, few ppl talks talks talks, everyone else laugh laugh, listen…
We played games. MD shared about the personalities tests. Very interesting.
Like what one fo the intern said, the test result describe one’s traits so accurate that it is really very scary.
Before this I didn’t realise that, by knowing one’s personality, we can adjust how to interact and work together with this ppl. For example, my peer’s trait is that he actually goes into very detail of each thing while I am those who go to the overall level.
And now, i feel that, this help me to change on how i should communicate to him.
It’s a wonderful knowledge.

However, when come to talk about the real work, things might not be as ideal as it is said.
There are things I don’t agree here and there but sadly that, I can’t change anything.
I was determined to resign, for my second time after a year working in this company.
But I have to salute my boss coz everytime talking to him, I don’t feel any room for me to reject the rejection.

Nowadays, i feel that, I found the ‘FIRE’ button in me.
FC told me before, it’s all about finding the FIRE button that will trigger a person to charge forward.
I feel that, I have found it.
I stared to plan,
I started to talk louder than ppl who is always rude to me,
I started to ensure ppl listen to me,
I started to complain,
I started to say NO,
I started to be a leader in the team,
I started to make decision,
I started to give instructions,
and finally I started to have very strong desire and urge to prove my capability….

These are truly new experience to me. Its very tiring though.
I feel that, 80% of my life now is on work in the office
I don’t mind to work more than 50% but when it is at a level that, when you close your eyes and then open the eyes, all is ‘xeersoft xeersoft xeersoft xeersoft’….its exhausting.

Last Friday, after a meeting with client, and then had some disagreement with boss, I started to cried.
Complaint and cried in front of the manager. I was shocked myself. Normally I will feel depressed and eventually burst into tears. But this time, its all of the sudden, I feel so bad and helpless.
I know…I have pressure. Self pressure.
I want to ensure things to turn out to be a WOW factor all the times.
But that is too idealistic. I know what I have learnt, and what I need to change.

But after all this, I realised one thing.
I no longer miss HIM. I don’t feel he is important to me anymore.
I have very very strong feeling that, WE ARE ENDED. REALLY ENDED.
I requested him to remove my name from his website and he finally did it after don’t know how many hundred times I sent email to him. I feel that, I am no longer interested in him.
Sent him email, the last email to this guy name W, saying,

Dear XXXXXXX,

Thank you for removing Ongki from your website.
Thank you for removing Ongki from your life, thank you for removing you from Ongki’s life.

Thank you for everything that you have done to me, thank you for once loved me, flattered me, hurt me, and in the end taught me. I learnt a lot from this lesson.

I am very happy to inform you that, I no longer sad or cry for you anymore.
I will not keep any love for you anymore, because I am sure you are happier with this.
I used to check out your website or remember about you almost everynight.
But i just realised just now, that i no longer think or miss u.
When i see my name no longer on your web, i really feel that, everything is really ended for me.
We are no longer connected. No more. I am sure, from now on, i will not read your blog, i will not search your name.

I am looking forward, for another guy who will promise to love me forever…yes, I really wish he will keep his words…
Thank you and sorry for all the troubles for knowing a girl like me.

Ongki

I am happy. I think, I should compensate or better still, to celebrate.
Yes, I found another darling!!!
I bought a Canon EOS 450D!!!!!!
Woooohoooo…..superb, I finally got my first SLR camera!!!!!
But of course, big part of $$$ flies

Anyway, I think I need to get back my life, and not just work and tensions.
I should pamper myself since nobody will do, not even H, I won’t give him chance to hurt me.
Oh yes, I have my mom, my dad, sister and brothers.
I actually bought the camera and also a new black dress for myself
And found one nice blouse for my mom.
She was very happy for the gift. I am happy too.
I love my mom.
For mom, I want to live better.