Ongki To Do

I have too many to-do(s) in my mind, but never seriously sit down and sort it out properly, which to execute, how to execute, which to delay, which to sacrifice…

Briefly listed them in my earlier post, now let’s recap and PLAN

1) renovate new house and move in

pros
- have my own privacy, sick of sharing a “public” room
- can enjoy the freedom of being alone in the house – do whatever i would love to do

cons
- away from family
- new house location further away from office
- more expenses

choices
- move in and spend all my savings to renovate house (>= RM30k)
- rent out, with the fee earned just enough to cover my loan installment (RM0)
- leave it untouched and continue paying monthly installment (-RM1083+ RM184)

2) study MBA

pros
- career advancement, a higher qualification, might be able to find a higher position job
- more knowledge, self upgrade

cons
- will have to fully commit, as it will be tiring working and studying at the same time
- a whole new commitment, meaning cannot just leave my job if i don’t like anymore
- will spend all my savings

choices
- join the Jan 2009 intake, take fewer subjects at the beginning
- don’t take now, move in new house, then only continue to save more money to full fill the dream of studying overseas(which nobody can foresee when as it’s really expensive out there)

3) have a long holiday overseas

pros
- relax, recharge, breath new air, see a bigger part of the world
- the ticket is FREE! redeem from MAS

cons
- money flies for nothing
- project at work will be more delayed

choices
- go travel somewhere, ignore the project coz it’s very unknown when it will be completed, and the day I return to work will be a new refreshed-fully charged me
- don’t go, continue the passion for the project, ensure client’s satisfactory, work harder to create more WOW factors and prove to everyone that I can do it
- go a nearer location, maybe Phuket, might not be an ideal location as I wish to go somewhere really further away, but who knows it might be an interesting trip

4) learn photography in detail

5) pick up back on diving

6) continue on my Japanese language

pros
- my interest, learn a new mastered skill and not just half-pail-water

cons
- not much profit returned as its really for hobby and interest purpose
- too expensive hobbies, photography, diving, new language course, all $$$

choices
- enroll a Japanese class first, the cheapest one and make sure get a cert of the Proficiency test
- plan diving trip next time (sacrifice loh)
- learn more photography techniques from Hugo but must be really committed and not just taking it for granted

7) go travel with family

pros
- for the first time in life, to be able to bring parents and go trip with sister
- no one loves me as much as they do

cons
- will need a lot of $$$

choices
- go HK/Macau trip this coming Chinese New Year
- must plan and committed until it happened

8 ) build an impressive software for my client

pros
- client will be happy, to prove Ongki can do more than this, boss will be happy, do not want to dissapoint my bosses

cons
- need a lot of time! that i will have to sacrifice item 4,5,6 or maybe 7

choices
- learn to work hard and smart, delegate work properly, put and do first thing first, MUST NOT IGNORE priorities
-work in a normal pace, fully commit to it again after the holiday

9) buy a new car

pros
- replace my Kancil which is now hurt here and there, more comfortable

cons
- truly a liability that will not return any real profit
- another does-not-worth-it commitment, for >7 years?!

choices
- lowest priority (sacrifice loh)
- bear with the Kancil first loh

10) do more for my family

pros
- appreciate them before its too late
- my life is nothing without them

cons
- where got????

choices
- must change attitude, appreciate, concern more about them
- don’t plan with computer too much and neglected the times with family

Now, what’s next??? See properly and choose properly what’s really to do now….

Let me think, think, think ….

Break Through: I seriously need a Break Through

Today is a terrific day.
Woke up at 6am to join my fellow sales colleagues to attend a booth at Sunway Convention center.
It wasn’t a smooth start as the car driven by my colleagues were blocked by police.
Well, at least I was there on time to set up….but it wasn’t correctly set…(Ongki: fine…)

Then I have been so excited and ‘heng zi but but’ to TRY doing some sales, only to realize myself was too nervous and lack of confidence to initiate the conversation. (Ongki: fine….)

There were encouraging words but how genuine and sincere it was….it’s just another story about the nature of being a salesperson.

The first session of my day, I thought ended up well, but it was just a fake one when I discovered some people did not speak what they think, and some people just say what they think, and some people is still too naive to trust people, even at an old age

Friends of mine will know I NEVER LIKE TO DO SALES, or to be exact, I DO NOT AND CAN’T DO SALES.
It was just recently, I was trying to have a change in myself, trying to do something beyond what I have done before. I was trying to have a … ahem ahem…. break through.
I volunteered to follow the sales team today. I admit, I wasn’t too serious, photographing, eating, walking around but I was then at least trying to learn and keep telling myself, ‘…come on Ongki, be confidence, walk up and speak! speak! speak!’ (although I failed).
I didn’t blame myself or feeling guilty for not able to get any prospect today, as I am thinking that I am willing to try and still keen on joining such activity more in the future. Hey! me voluntarily wanted to join SALES activity! But wth, I was given the feedback that, out of 10, I can’t even score 1!
And what’s more, ‘…you don’t even score 1, do you still expect we bring you out for sales???’
ma de….I was asking her to bring me out to gain more experience and help out wherever I can….and this is what I get?
As if waking up at 6am is easy for me? as if I am free with my development work? as if I didn’t get client’s pressure? as if I am a sales person? as if people can leave their duty and help you but you just taking it for granted???
The worst of all is, I have finally seen a “doubled-faces” in action today.
Not surprise, but dissapointed, the Nth times thinking that, being sincere to people will get real friends.
the Nth times it failed me aih….

Sad, yes, especially when my car was being hit by a huge contenna truck on the way back to office from the convention center.
What did I get from my effort today? Broken heart, broken car, broken ‘name’….

But well, I came home, sit down, browse some real nice pictures of my friend taken at a diving spot. Seeing clear water, soft sands, blue blue sky makes me feel that, why bother to spend time thinking on those that does not worth your time? and why not treasure and go ahead with what you should do?

I suddenly urged to pick up back those of my interests that I have left and never able to complete them…
And then my mind are all crossed with each others.
I have so many ideas, so many ‘wants to’, so many so many so many ‘things-I-want-to-do’.
But how? which to do? how to do? can i really do it???

Let me list down,

1) renovate house and move in
2) study MBA
3) have a long holiday overseas
4) learn photography in detail
5) pick up back on diving
6) continue on my Japanese language
7) go travel with family
8 ) build an impressive software for my client
9) buy a new car
10) do more for my family
……

phiew…now, tell me, how do I work these out???

Painted Heart, 画心

画心
(电影《画皮》主题歌曲)
作曲：藤原育郎 作词：陈少琪

歌词:
看不穿 是你失落的魂魄
猜不透 是你瞳孔的颜色
一阵风 一场梦
爱如(是)生命般(的)莫测
你的心 到底被什么蛊惑
你的轮廓在黑夜之中淹没
看桃花 开出怎样的结果
看着你 抱着我 目光似(比)月色寂寞
就让你 在别人怀里快乐
爱着你 像心跳难触摸
画着你 画不出你的骨骼
记着你的脸色 是我等你的执著
你是我 一首唱不完的歌
*(我的心 只愿为你而割舍)

Painted Heart
(Theme song of movie “Painted Skin”)
Music: some Japanese dude.
Lyrics: Chen Shaoqi
Artist: Jane Zhang

Unable to see through your wandering spirit,
Unfathomable, the colour of your pupils
A passing wind, a waking dream
Like life, love remains undefined
Your heart, what confuses it so?
The outline of your body disappears into the night
I watch the cherry blossoms, waiting to see their blooms
I watch you, embracing me, your eyes lonelier than the moonlight
And I let you seek happiness in someone else’s arms
Loving you, untouchable like a heartbeat
Painting you, I cannot paint your skeleton
Remembering your expression, my reason to persist in waiting for you
You are mine, a song that I will never finish singing
*(My heart, only willing to be cut for you)