Break Through: I seriously need a Break Through
Today is a terrific day.
Woke up at 6am to join my fellow sales colleagues to attend a booth at Sunway Convention center.
It wasn’t a smooth start as the car driven by my colleagues were blocked by police.
Well, at least I was there on time to set up….but it wasn’t correctly set…(Ongki: fine…)
Then I have been so excited and ‘heng zi but but’ to TRY doing some sales, only to realize myself was too nervous and lack of confidence to initiate the conversation. (Ongki: fine….)
There were encouraging words but how genuine and sincere it was….it’s just another story about the nature of being a salesperson.
The first session of my day, I thought ended up well, but it was just a fake one when I discovered some people did not speak what they think, and some people just say what they think, and some people is still too naive to trust people, even at an old age 
Friends of mine will know I NEVER LIKE TO DO SALES, or to be exact, I DO NOT AND CAN’T DO SALES.
It was just recently, I was trying to have a change in myself, trying to do something beyond what I have done before. I was trying to have a … ahem ahem…. break through.
I volunteered to follow the sales team today. I admit, I wasn’t too serious, photographing, eating, walking around but I was then at least trying to learn and keep telling myself, ‘…come on Ongki, be confidence, walk up and speak! speak! speak!’ (although I failed).
I didn’t blame myself or feeling guilty for not able to get any prospect today, as I am thinking that I am willing to try and still keen on joining such activity more in the future. Hey! me voluntarily wanted to join SALES activity! But wth, I was given the feedback that, out of 10, I can’t even score 1!
And what’s more, ‘…you don’t even score 1, do you still expect we bring you out for sales???’
ma de….I was asking her to bring me out to gain more experience and help out wherever I can….and this is what I get?
As if waking up at 6am is easy for me? as if I am free with my development work? as if I didn’t get client’s pressure? as if I am a sales person? as if people can leave their duty and help you but you just taking it for granted???
The worst of all is, I have finally seen a “doubled-faces” in action today.
Not surprise, but dissapointed, the Nth times thinking that, being sincere to people will get real friends.
the Nth times it failed me aih….
Sad, yes, especially when my car was being hit by a huge contenna truck on the way back to office from the convention center.
What did I get from my effort today? Broken heart, broken car, broken ‘name’….
But well, I came home, sit down, browse some real nice pictures of my friend taken at a diving spot. Seeing clear water, soft sands, blue blue sky makes me feel that, why bother to spend time thinking on those that does not worth your time? and why not treasure and go ahead with what you should do?
I suddenly urged to pick up back those of my interests that I have left and never able to complete them…
And then my mind are all crossed with each others.
I have so many ideas, so many ‘wants to’, so many so many so many ‘things-I-want-to-do’.
But how? which to do? how to do? can i really do it???
Let me list down,
1) renovate house and move in
2) study MBA
3) have a long holiday overseas
4) learn photography in detail
5) pick up back on diving
6) continue on my Japanese language
7) go travel with family
8 ) build an impressive software for my client
9) buy a new car
10) do more for my family
……
phiew…now, tell me, how do I work these out???
Painted Heart, 画心
画心
(电影《画皮》主题歌曲)
作曲：藤原育郎 作词：陈少琪歌词:
看不穿 是你失落的魂魄
猜不透 是你瞳孔的颜色
一阵风 一场梦
爱如(是)生命般(的)莫测
你的心 到底被什么蛊惑
你的轮廓在黑夜之中淹没
看桃花 开出怎样的结果
看着你 抱着我 目光似(比)月色寂寞
就让你 在别人怀里快乐
爱着你 像心跳难触摸
画着你 画不出你的骨骼
记着你的脸色 是我等你的执著
你是我 一首唱不完的歌
*(我的心 只愿为你而割舍)
Painted Heart
(Theme song of movie “Painted Skin”)
Music: some Japanese dude.
Lyrics: Chen Shaoqi
Artist: Jane ZhangUnable to see through your wandering spirit,
Unfathomable, the colour of your pupils
A passing wind, a waking dream
Like life, love remains undefined
Your heart, what confuses it so?
The outline of your body disappears into the night
I watch the cherry blossoms, waiting to see their blooms
I watch you, embracing me, your eyes lonelier than the moonlight
And I let you seek happiness in someone else’s arms
Loving you, untouchable like a heartbeat
Painting you, I cannot paint your skeleton
Remembering your expression, my reason to persist in waiting for you
You are mine, a song that I will never finish singing
*(My heart, only willing to be cut for you)
My 29th Birthday – ONGKI DAY
It’a been more than a month since I last posted.
Getting exhausted recently. Mentally exhausted.
Anyway, TODAY IS MY 29th BIRTHDAY!!! Last time celebrating birthday for the figure of 2xth!!
Next year will be celebrating 30th already.
Kinda miss the feeling of celebrating the birthday on my 16th!
But, as FC said, dun worry about ‘how old are you’ but its ‘how young you are’.
To him, 29th is just the beginning, to my intern friends, 29th to them is like far far away to go from their current age.
To me, 29th is the ending of the first chapter of my life, also the beginning of another new chapter of life.
I might not be going through some important stages of life like getting married of giving birth…but I guess it’s not about where life goes, it’s about what do we need to face and go through at the age of someone who has already 29 years of experiencing life.
What do I need to do?
But it was kinda unexpected so-so-so many friends have been sending me sms and wishing me a happy birthday. It wasn’t any extraordinary special but it’s not a bad one though…
Since passing 12 midnight, ppl have already started to send me SMS.
At work, right in the morning, ppl already sending me wishes, I was like one whole day just replying wishes in MSN, GoogleTalk, SMS, email, Facebook. Wow!
During lunch, manager even said i can play Wii in the game room for the rest of the working day!
Somemore treat me a pan mee lunch, and then someone else treat me fruit, and then someone buy me my favorite herbal drink!
And during company meeting, the Xeersoft family(my second home and family members) was singing birthday song and it was like, about 20 peoples wishing me at the same time.
After meeting, MD brought us for dinner and ordered my favorite fresh and nice big half dozen of oyster for me!!! specially for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can’t express more of how delighted I am except to just nod my head to show appreciation.
I feel myself like a princess!!!!! Just for a day, I feel appreciated! I feel great.
Oh yeah, since XeerSoft has got a XeerSoft Day, i also want a ONGKI Day! Where I am suppose to ponder on what, when, how and who next….
So….Ongki, what’s next?????
忘记了我要忘记你
Copying a quote from colleague,
“忘记了我要忘记你, 忘记了我要忘记你, 忘记了我要忘记你, 忘记了我要忘记你, 忘记了我要忘记你, 忘记了我要忘记你”
天下沒不散之宴席
Have I told u guys lately that, I am kinda obsessed with my fellow intern colleagues?
It was crazy as of how much time I spent with them, even during weekends.
I don’t remember how long didn’t I go home for dinner. Almost every night having dinner with them.
For about two months, I’ve been enjoying my work, with the presence of a bunch of interns in the office.
We gossips, chat, talk craps, talk dirty, laugh, eat…and we have had many expensive meals together.
And most of all, it was fun! It brought me a lot, a lot, a lot of laughters.
But, as Chinese saying goes, 天下沒不散之宴席 (there is no never ending banquet), they’ll be leaving the company and go back to their school very soon.
Its amazing, how much chemistry and laughters we shared.
Another two more working days, the KTAR boys and girl will be leaving me
Another two more weeks, my beloved MMU boys are going to say bye bye too.
It was obvious to everyone how sad am I to see them leaving (and they are not even leaving yet, few days more).
Today, unsure what really triggered me, maybe a series of not so good news, I broke into tears in the office.
After they sensed something was wrong with me, the interns were so panic of what happened to their lao-cha-boh and had non stop showing concern for me. Asking here and there for what’s wrong with me. Well, I can’t help but i have put my goggle talk message, like these,
“没有你们的日子我怎样过？？？”
“想哭，想哭，很想哭！！！ 哭哭哭哭哭哭哭哭！！！！！！！！”
Honestly, 想哭， 是应为我不舍得你们啊。。。
botak, “hey, why so down!!?? why? what happen??”
chua, “I know I’m bony…N I sound like I’m kidding but I’m saying this seriously…do U need a shoulder? U ok?”
allen, “cuz like ur status…..你是最好的。。。你知道吗？”
(pass me a sugus stick plus a note written, “Don’t cry, that somebody will be beside u”)a lui, “leng lui jie jie……..izzit smtg happen to u???, sorry about that ..jz now they called u the “…….” really sorry”
so sweet of them, you say la, how can I not miss these guys???? bet wong ngo gam sek kui dei.
Anyway, I realized, not much time to sad already. Must treasure the times left to be with them.
Tomorrow, we are going Jogoya, on Friday, we are going karaoke.
Erm, here’s some hilarious pics of them…
Hwe Sinn aka my ‘ah lui’ + Zhi Chai aka Bang Sai King – don’t they look like brother and sister?
Kar Wei aka Zim Zui – acting cool
My best friends, Allen + Kenny aka Botak
All of em
Not sure if it’s because I have got older and started to feel loneliness.
I am very scared, without these guys, I will be very lonely
I am E.N.F.P
I am not sure how many times I wrote about resignation in this blog, but its really many that I lost track already.
Today I gave a simple scenario of why I need to change.
I said, I am born and accustomed to the weather as in Malaysia, warm all year long.
Then suddenly I am in the igloo.
I may not be suffering but I am not comfortable or I am not at my best being in a winter place.
I am thinking, if I can afford a choice to go somewhere else so that I can freely move and survive to achieve something more, why don’t I do that?
It might be a risky decision, but from my experience of changing employers, I think it worth to explore and find the best that suited me the most. And of course, I am really tired of changing job, changing environment, changing colleagues, and of course changing bosses!
I just told other colleagues about the best boss I’ve ever had.
But too bad, I have to face the reality that I am not meant to be with them.
One of the best thing I learned from the company is understanding myself.
MD introduced the power of brain types to us. We did the test and I am definitely in the E.N.F.P. type.
Extraversion: 18 % Introversion: 8 %
Sensing : 2 % Intuition : 23 %
Thinking : 3 % Feeling : 21 %
Judging : 11 % Perceptive : 15 %
FCAR / ENFP “Motivator”
Warmly enthusiastic, high-spirited, ingenious, imaginative. Able to do almost anything that interests you. Quick with a solution for any difficulty and ready to help anyone with a problem. Often rely on your ability to improvise instead of preparing in advance. Can usually find compelling reasons for whatever you want.
You relate more easily to the outer world of people and things than to the inner world of ideas. You like variety and action, are often good at greeting people, are often impatient with long slow jobs, often act quickly sometimes without thinking, like to have people around, usually communicate freely.
You would rather look for possibilities and relationships than work with known facts. You like solving new problems, dislike doing the same thing repeatedly, enjoy learning a new skill more than using it, work in bursts of energy powered by enthusiasm with slack periods in between, reach a conclusion quickly, are impatient with routine details.
You base your judgments more on personal values than on impersonal analysis and logic. You tend to be very aware of other people and your feelings, enjoy pleasing people even in unimportant things, dislike telling people unpleasant things, tend to be sympathetic, like harmony.
You like a flexible, spontaneous way of life better than a planned, decided, orderly way. You adapt well to changing situations, do not mind leaving things open for alterations, may have trouble making decisions, may start too many projects and have difficulty in finishing them.
* * * Some Vocational Implications Of Your Personality Preferences * * *
You focus your attention on possibilities and handle them with personal
warmth, thus you tend to become enthusiastic and insightful and find scope
for your abilities in understanding and communicating with people. For
example: Behavioral science, research, literature and art, teaching.
Nothing can be as true as this truth !!!
Some ppl reading this might think, this is just another physcological or those forwarded email self test but this is not. I always think, human’s brain is not something we can measure. Human’s brain is not something we can analyse but I guess the brain type tests concluded well on me.
Every point fits in perfectly….this also explains why I am not suitable in the company maybe 
Bye bye my dream….bye bye my dream guy…
Dear my dream guy,
I cannot hang the keychain with your name on my bag anymore.
I cannot put all my web passwords with your name anymore.
I cannot miss you anymore.
I cannot admire you anymore.
I cannot wish to visit you at Sydney anymore.
I cannot wish to be your wife and be taken care by you anymore.
I cannot wish to have a family with you anymore.
Sincerely hoping you and wife will lead a wonderful life ahead. You guys surely will.
You are just perfect in my eyes and smart in managing your life.
I will be happy because you are the happiest man on earth!
Fire Within!!!!!
Call me a perfectionist…
call me someone who easily gives up….
call me stupid….
call me baka….
call me idiot….
call me don’t learn…
call me don’t grow…
call me a failure…
I am like this. When I am happy, I am happy.
When I am not happy, nothing works for me.
When nothing works for me, I work for nothing except myself.
To achieve tomorrow
- Reach office at 8am – to prepare un-prepared task arrangements, PROACTIVE
- Work on time, with speed, full concentration, PUT FIRST THING FIRST
- Target to finish the task 1 of at least 50% done BEGIN WITH END IN MIND
- Spend less time hi hi ha ha in the office.
