Another resolution “forcefully settled”

forcefully settled

– not fully achieved, partially done!

One of the 2009′s resolutions is to buy a diamond necklace (double size of the previous one) with EVERY MONTH’S SAVING, by October.

My intention when vowed for such goal was because i lost my very first diamond necklace bought last year but also lost during the Taiwan trip in the same year. Feeling angry, dissapointed, I really wish to replace the lost one with a better one, but, with monthly savings. I bought on 1st August 2009, unfortunately it’s not from the monthly savings Savings is not at all in the picture of my account book

Anyway, I indeed bought a bigger, more expensive diamond. I like it! After so many months of resisting to temptation, I finally gave up and lost to the devil beside me(ongki d’ devil) to purchase it from Wah Chan, price not to reveal

My preference for the diamond pendant is very straightforward, just show the diamond. Classic, elegant, simple and nice

I’ll always remember Yasmin Ahmad

She is the only director in Malaysia that I am know of, and wanted to know of.
Her works, i.e. movies Sepet, Gubra, and those Petronas advertisements are everyone’s favorite, including me of course.
Unfortunately, for us, the Malaysian, she left us last Saturday, forever. Nowadays, nothing much will make us proud to be a Malaysian…and she, the precious one, also no-eye-see and left us.
And she left, then who is going to make great Malaysian customized movies like Sepet, Gubra??
Who is going to bring the name of Malaysia to international level?

She is a very “special” person, in term of her originality. She is talented. I don’t know, I don’t know her. But if she is the creator of “Sepet”, i guess she knows everyone of us, the Malaysian very well. The culture of being a Malaysian. Interesting. And she must be a fans of Takeshi Kaneshiro? She made us laugh, cried and sometimes wonder, how did she able to boldly presented us in such a easy but must be ‘difficult’ way?
Easy, as its straighforward, difficult, as it is against the point of view of some of the ‘katak di bawah tempurung’ fella as well. I salute her.

My personal encounter with her, in 2006. Watched Gubra at a special screening session at KLCC. Thanks to my then colleague who offered me the ticket. It’s the first, one and only “ticket” that turned up to be one of the most memorable event in my life. Of course, at that time, my focus and attention has to be the charming and handsome Allan Yun. But this guy is like a robot, when asked to take pics with us, he’ll automatically ‘smile’, showing off his darlie-white teeth which I think he has been doing that more than I eat rice in the same day.
As for Yasmin, when I handed her the poster for her to sign, much to my surprise, she asked, “??????” (What is your name?).
Oh, yes, she spoke in mandarin, in a perfect slang, (some chinese race people might not be able to speak mandarin in the correct slang).
I was shock, and i can remember vividly how i was stunned a while, and got nervous, not sure what name should I tell her? “ongki? lea szu? li shi?” …. erm, yes, I said “Elaine”.
Maybe it was because i look sweet at that time (as I always do), she signed on the poster, “For Sweet Elaine”.
And this signed poster, is nicely kept in my wardrobe all these years, and definitely one of the most precious treasure in my life.

Rest in peace Yasmin. You are remembered by Elaine…

First MBA result

Woohoo….I’ve got A in both modules!!!
Innovation Management and Advanced Strategic Management…

Mind you, it’s ADVANCED Strategic M. ADVANCED eh. Not easy. Especially for beginner like me.
I didn’t expect to get A anyway. Just hoping I won’t fail.
Well, I officially resolved one of the most important item in my to-do list.

Recalling back the whole journey since I first sit in the class, then getting a group, then struggling whether to drop this module, and then the group meetings, writing email to Reliance chairman, the pitching with group members, the final group presentation and finally the tears-blood-vomit effort in writing the individual paper.
I think I do deserve an A.
This subject is one of the basic knowledge, that a business owner should acquire. Learning the powerfulness of building networks, having institutional constrains and etc.
Nintendo was my case study. I wrote how did Nintendo managed to take over the sales figure from a Resource Based view and Network perspectives.

Woo, hoo…its the same firm that I did in Innovation Management.
In fact, I didn’t have enough time and resources to write on Reliance, so I decided to write on Nintendo.
Writing the same firm for both modules, giving people the impression as if both will have the same content but it’s not. Totally not. Looking from two whole different aspects. Innovation Management is so much easier.
It took me one week to complete. Submitted the paper on time, although I spend sleepless nights for that.
Not to mention, those nights I’ve gotta go over his house to complete due to Streamyx down at my place.
Lucky he’s there to guide me, especially the troublesome references formatting. Too troublesome.

But not to be too proud of myself, this was just the FIRST semester of this 3 years courses. Many more modules to come. But with this result, at least I know I am working out the right thing.
Can’t wait to attend classes like Marketing, Managing People etc. I am just too weak at dealing with people.

Bully me!

Keep bullying me la! Go ahead! Thank god for you to bully me!
Thanks! I won’t fail to u!
Wait and see!!!!

I am contented

2nd of July past. I forgot about this date! Well, this is a very very good news.

Recently I’ve been very busy living a hectic life juggling around work and relationship.
I am very contented and happy with what I have now.

The Travel software is rolled to LIVE on 1st July, however, it’s not considered full success because there is just not enough customer to book tours nowadays.
But I consider it’s partly success, because users has been using it to issue real invoice and receipts!
There are glitches but which software doesn’t? Just have to fix it…no complain!

I am confident, my software does help users, at least they don’t have to write on papers that they will not understand when they review it at later times. More to come, it will be impressive once the linkage to the financial part is done. But its tough ya….But I am sure nothing will block my way…go go go, ganbatte Ongki!

Relationship? Oh, very nice. At least I have a companion. The feeling of having him, is somehow very ‘real’.
We are like real companion to each other. Talk about life, money, family, work, study, food etc.

With him around, I have done many things that I will not do if not because of him, for example, watching Terminator and Transformers. I was really quite reluctant to watch but I know he likes it, and I found it not bad at all. Watching these kind of movies made me understand him more. He has a strange own world within himself, that no one ever want to go in. I didn’t want to go in either, but I will try to understand.
I’ll reserve that space to himself, as of a space that I expect him to reserve for me.

It is very funny of how I discovered my another self being someone’s girlfriend. I am actually very passionate!
I just wish to see him every evening after work, accompany him for dinner, send him home etc.
His place is far, but I enjoy the quality time we have chatting in the car. He’ll sometimes hold my hand while I drive. I like that kind of feeling.

We went Singapore for a short holiday last month. It was a great one. With him this time, the experience was somehow different from those that I had previously. I never know Singapore is this interesting.
We didn’t book any hotel that easily cost SGD90++. Instead, he booked a backpackers hostel that only cost us SGD55 for a room with attached shower room. The hostel dorm is not bad but the room we lived in, is a bit … uncomfortable as there is no windows and I think there is air circulation problem. Could be because of that, both of us were sick after the 3 days 2 nights trip. The amazing thing is, we bumped into our Indian professor at Singapore airport! Oh yes, I’ve finally seen the not-so-pink pink dolphin. Don’t really enjoy the session as it was damn hot and crowded at the show.

Oh! I must mention about the overwhelming responds at facebook when everyone were wondering if he’s the one.

Carl: “your boyboy ar?”

Christy: “wooi………….. ur bf ah???????”

Chee Yan’s hubby: “Elaine..u shl “kim toh kim toh”..ur boy boy didnt even think of taking pic with u instead of that blue eyes girl….sigh!!!!”

YimLye: “Ahemmm…. something is ON ..Good to know that.”

even my Aunt Mui: “lovely couple )”

Guess what, he bought two sotongs…..which we both think is really cute, or cut it short ‘lan-ho-ngoi’

Too much to write about him, I just followed him back to his hometown, Ipoh last weekend. It was another story to tell. Met his parents, funny sister, cats, dogs, his Gundams etc.
To me, every family has their own culture, own family matters, own ‘law’. So is his, which I think they are basically quite a cute family. His father is a superb animal lover. His mom is a superb F1 ‘mai kai shu met kai’ driver. His sister is the one who pronounced Braun Buffel as Buffet. I saw his hug and pamper the cats.
Strange enough, I was wondering in my heart, how come he didn’t pamper me like that? Were I jealous of a cat????
And he drove! Finally his turn to drive instead of me! Looking forward for the day when his MyVi is moving in Taman Pertama
Oh yes, we also went for foot reflexology, and he was a first timer! He was kinda nervous, and its funny to look at his expression when the China aunty massage his thigh!
There are many things that he did it first time for me, and so did I do things because of him.
I guess this is the art of a relationship.
We are heading the right direction. Forget about the cancer libra incompatibility issue.
We control our fate.

2nd Anniversary in XeerSoft

5th June, 2007
“…But there is something I am really looking forward, will be given chance to lead. After learning from the past with my failure of being a team leader, I promise myself to do well this time.”

17th May, 2008
Leaders, to be frank, I am too weak to be one. Too soft, does not have the credibility.
There’s people who obviously doesn’t respect me.

5th June, 2009
Two years, it’s already two years in this company. I remember, when I was in my internship company, my most respected mentor or supervisor told me, “…review yourself every two years, if there is no changes in yourself, then you need to make a move”.
Am not sure if it’s because of that, but coincidentally, all my jobs afterward were never longer than two years.
Maybe yes, in World.Net, slightly longer than that, could be because it was there where I was rooted. I enjoyed so much the time I had in World.Net. I am not who I am today without Lachlan, Francis and definitely Wilson.

This is the GM that sat beside me and taught me the A to Z.

In Netzed for a year, the second company, Elmen yelled at me, “…how can you write the program when you do not know what it is about????” Cool, Elmen, I remember that for the rest of my life. But is it about time for me to deliver this line to some other people also?

Insync, Singapore, 8 months, this is where I learnt CRM. This is where these guys work with passion.

CIS, 3 months + one year, this is where I’ve been flying around the world.
Need not to say about CIS anymore, it’s a huge part of my life where I have career turning point and relationship disaster. But of course, the knowledge, the people, the events I encountered, are irreplaceable.
It’s valuable and I didn’t regret I went through.

XeerSoft, 2 years, another turning point, brought me back to the basic. Identified many problems.
Been given many extraordinary chances and challenges. I failed to take up some, and there are some today which I don’t think I will be able to survive through. What should I do??
Will it stop here? I couldn’t climb up any further. I fell down on my knee. Hurt and bleeding.

The Climb

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there’s a voice inside my head saying
“You’ll never reach it”

Every step I’m taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose

Ain’t about how fast I get there
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb

The struggles I’m facing
The chances I’m taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I’m not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I’m gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

‘Cause there’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose

Ain’t about how fast I get there
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb, yeah!

There’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody’s gonna have to lose

Ain’t about how fast I get there
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It’s all about, it’s all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

Disconnected

People often asked, ‘Why do you blog?’ I normally do not have a concrete answer for them.
Well, I don’t know how to express the feeling of writing about myself, and then reading it myself, as if I am not myself. I sometimes wish my friends will know how exactly I feel by reading it so that I do not need to explain myself to them. I found myself very difficult to express myself correctly.
But after few months not blogging, I felt something was really missing in my life.
I found that, all these while, without blogging, my life was like without direction. I was like disconnected from myself! DISCONNECTED!
The past few months, what happened to me?
1) Father admitted to hospital
- He’s alright, no big issue, but looking at him lying on the hospital bed, I felt sad. He got old. How long will he be there to nag at me, to call me up at the middle of the night to ask why am I not back to home yet.
Every morning he’ll left me a honey drink at the kitchen. I will make sure myself finish it before I leave for work. Its not the honey in the drink that is sweet, but its the effort that counts. If possible, I would really like to make these scenes into a video. It’s not a culture at home but I really with to tell my father that I love him. I am sorry that sometimes I will act rude to him when he nags at me, but he knows I don’t mean it.

2) Mother got tumours, luckily not harmful
She got growth on her neck and vagina part. She went to see so many doctors and was so worry about the tumour might be a harmful one, and turned out to be ‘cancer’. Thank god, it was harmless.
I accompanied her to gynae check up. The doctor needs to extract the content of the vagina part to send the growth content for further analysis. I was waiting and heard her screaming in pain. Doctor finally thinks she has to be “made unconscious” (I don’t remember what’s the term in English) so that she won’t feel the pain. I was accompanying her for a while before I left for work on that morning. I feel guilty because I think I should accompany her until the end of the process. Sorry mom.

3) MBA was tough
It was very tough. It’s not just about attending class and finishing the assignments. The final report was very very tough. I have difficulty writing in standard business language. I have difficulty even in writing a well formed English. I told my colleagues, ‘…but I am only good at writing blog in lousy broken English!’.
And the most disappointing case was when the professor wouldn’t reply my email anymore. I got to know that he is not happy with me, and I do not know the reason. I have been attending all his classes and respecting him so much. But all of a sudden, I was told that he don’t like me. I can’t do anything. I am sad, yes but I will not worry too much, as I’ve already done my best in the paper and group presentation.
I’ve put in so much effort, that my work got affected.

4) Pressure at work
Peer pressure, project pressure, people pressure, client pressure, manager and bosses pressure.
I have been doing most of the roles in this project. Being the one who go meet client for requirements, coming back internally for design and doing the programming, delegating tasks, and now even giving trainings and doing supporting and project management stuff.
I am worn out and exhausted. Last week, I broke down and burst into tears in front of MD.
I told him, I am not capable of doing multitasking. We had a lengthy chat, he show me the overall picture of our organisation. To me, there is no specific result from this conversation but at least I feel better. He said I must appreciate my nature of willing to learn new things but I must also have a big enough ‘pale’ to buffer all the things in it.
Later on, I pondered, I think it’s not that I am willing to learn new things. The correct point should be that, I love to see new things. Whether I can learn and master them is another issue, which I don’t think so I can do it well. That is the problem! This is the reason why I put in a lot of efforts yet it is not fruitful.

5) Relationship
Yup, I have found someone whom I think is the right person to walk life together. But hey, the art of being in a relationship is a huge process itself! Part of the processes are to understand MYSELF, understand HIM and understand US.
Many times, I expect a lot which he will never able to fullfill it. Then I will start complaining, which I think sooner or later will annoyed him. I don’t know how long will he be able to tolerate on this.
But at least at this moment, I am sad and mad at him, but I didn’t complain to him, I just ignored him, because I want to stop myself from saying something that will hurt the relationship.

6) Self management
I have lost my diamond necklace in 2008 during the Taiwan trip. I later lost my Samsung mobile phone.
I lost my IC, license, credit card and ATM card recently. I don’t know what else can i lost.
I don’t admit I am forgetful. I am not. It is just that I didn’t put much focus on the smaller thing of my daily routine, especially when they are people around me. I don’t know since when I am living my life being so independent of others. Where is the Ongki who survive all by herself at Singapore? I really appreciate those difficult time I had there. But how come everything has changed to so bad now?
I dare not look at the resolutions that I made for this year anymore.
None of it has been achieved. And I am not confident it can be achieves anymore.

TGIF…HIM

Libra and Cancer is not meant to be together?

What does that means? What should we do if it has started? Waiting for failure?

They love to stare at each other but for some reason they will never reach out and touch — best as a dream. ( Source: AquarianAge Romance )

For Cancer: Your mood swings are far too upsetting for the Scales. Libra needs harmony and a variety of entertainment which really isn’t your style or your intent. You create melodrama at an emotional level and would prefer to stay at home where it’s safe and secure. ( Source: Love Test )

For Libra: This is not the best match. The moody Crab is just too difficult for you to handle. You need to surround yourself with positive individuals who will create a harmonious environment. ( Source: Love Test )

Libra would not go for Cancers moods. Both love a beautiful home but Libra needs parties and Cancer can do without. Not too good. Both operate on different levels. Cancer is emotional and Libra is intellectual. Libra doesn’t understand Cancer’s moods and Cancer doesn’t understand Libra’s detached emotions. Cancer is too possessive, and Libra too airy. Both love a beautiful home. Libra can’t give Cancer the emotional response it needs. Cancer is money oriented and Libra is extravagant. Libra loves the social life and Cancer loves home and hearth. ( Source: Astrology Fun )

Cancer Man & Libra Woman

This match is not meant to be. You may go into this relationship with high hopes, but you are bound to disappoint each other in almost every way. He thinks saving money is very important; you love to shop. He has a practical approach to everything; you are flexible and easygoing, preferring to take things as they come. He is pessimistic; you are optimistic. He is a master at hiding his emotions from everyone including you; you die without tons of attention and affection. There’s not even much romantic chemistry to bond you two together. You’ll both be unhappy in a relationship together. It’s a match that’s better left unmade. ( Source: Jellybean’s Astro-Soulmate Guide )

Romance will reign supreme in this relationship. It’s the stuff that fantasies are made of! However, once the movie’s over, Libra, you may find yourself slightly annoyed by Cancer’s possessiveness and need to know where and what you’re doing 24-and-7. It’s only with careful communication that this relationship has a chance for success. ( Source: FUNgirl – Astrology )

Cancer Woman & Libra Man

This match is pretty much doomed from the start. You want emotion and lots of communication. Meanwhile, he is looking for someone to provide an intellectual connection. So he’ll be trying to talk about the universe, when all you want to do is kiss! That will be very frustrating. Because of the many differences in your basic natures, you won’t really “get” what each other is all about. It’s almost impossible to establish a real connection in this match. Not a great love match for you. ( Source: Jellybean’s Astro-Soulmate Guide )

What starts out with a bang may, unfortunately, end with a sputter. Things are glorious in the beginning, with plenty of affection and attraction. Problem is, Cancer girl has a much different thought process than Libra boy, and that’s when the trouble begins. She wants coziness and commitment, and that may scare Mr. Libra, who is more likely to act with his head rather than his heart… ( Source: FUNgirl – Astrology )