I owe this an entry..coming soon
Yes, I feel that god is rewarding me.
First of all, LJ was in SG this morning and Chilam is in KL tomorrow.
Yup, LJ emailed me two weeks back that he’ll be in SG and we even decided to return to KL together on Friday night or Sat morning.
But the day before yesterday he online and told me that he’ll be going back on Friday morning instead! I was furious!
Gosh, that will leave me alone to take the coach in JB on Friday night which I really hate to do so. Moreover, he informed me that last minute.
Well, he called me yesterday, I was a little shocked as I really seldom receive call. He was in SG already. Planned morning breakfast near Clarke Q, 8.30am.
I was excited! Went home, washed my hair, ‘moose’ and blow it with my $9.90 hairdryer. Pick the best looking clothes (make me look thin), but has to be casual and not too obvious that I’m specially dress for him.
The appointment was at 8am which I was very doubt if I can wake up that early, moreover, I was so addicted to the Ekin series, which I promised myself to go bed one after one episode 
Can’t help it…
And guess what…i slept at about 3am! And my hp alarm did ring at 7am but i switched off and continue to sleep 
(same old me, never change)!!
At 8.47am, phone rang,
LJ : “where r u? i’m at clarke q already”
Stupid pig : “i’m still at home woh…what time now?”
LJ : “walau eh, its already 8.30am!! we are not eating la, i am going off..”
Stupid pig : “don’t la, don’t la…i am coming la…”
LJ : “what time can u reach?”
Stupid pig : “half an hour?”
LJ : “u ah…never tepati janji one woh…okla, okla…faster come”
Then the stupid pig rushed to the washroom, brushed teeth, washed face, and get changed. ok well…no time for bath and left the house.
Reached Clarke Q at about 40 mins later…getting more excited.
And he was there standing, beside his luggages…in a deep blue shirt, and jeans, casual enough…but strange, how come he’s so handsome today? So physically fit, with a short and good looking hair style! Nah..this is the head prefect that I used to ‘kap’ when we were in F6!!
After that, I couldn’t recall much of what i said, i was lost, as usual.
But i remembered I told him not to be so fierce…he said, “yeah, when I am fierce enough, i can eat people, my ex-gf said that”.
At that moment, my mind flashed back to that scene in F6, at the school canteen where he was yelling at the malay boys who must hv break school rules. I was so attracted to his charismatic or “fierce” face expression! Fierce….haha!
Then we had breakfast at my fav “mee pok” coffee shop.
Strange, it was quite a distance to that place and he was pulling his baggage, and he still manage to talk non-stop!! about how interesting is Laos…”i predict this place will be very popular in 5 years times”. Never ending with his “hao sui doh go cha” (loosely translated as saliva more than tea)…and guess what, he said i really got slim and even touched on my tummy…
I don’t know what word to describe his eating style…except “ugly”!
He used his hand to eat the prawn…and when he eats, he has to talk, so the food inside his mouth sometimes “fly” around 
Oh yeah, both us ordered green tea in the can. I couldn’t open mine, as usual again, and i told him to open for me. He laughed at me, i showed him my damn short finger nails…then, this reminded me of PohLi.
Pohli once complimented that I was really independant enough, that I will not even ask ppl around me to open the can! I think I will have my times try not to be independant geh, Pohli dear…
He talks really a lot, i didn’t talk much. He told me the tips of living in China, how to protect myself from the china guys and etc. Boring…haha, I was very ‘fu hin’ but my face expression surely makes him thinks I am very interested…but the fact is, i was only attracted to his gestures, eating style and talking capability.
Bravo really!!!
Then gotta go, he was still talking even crossing the road. He said I lack of confidence woh….told me to walk with chest up and full of confidence.
yeah, i know my weakness, and he really understand me well. i will remember that…
In the end, he gotta take MRT to go JB and I have to go work. It’s 10.10am already.
He said bye bye and lightly hugged me. My chin touched his shoulder. I suddenly felt that I am so tiny with his arms around me. I am so glad to have him as my FRIEND…
Almost everybody, at least those in my list, put the (f)flower for Nicole.
Nothing much we can do, only a simple way to show we remember her.
Jan
- still with NZ.MY
- was in good term with IV and YP.
- We played In-Between, somewhere around CNY. I was very unlucky, lose some money.
- Two days before 1st day of CNY, gathered at AY’s house.
- There were AY, CKY, CCY, MS and I. We played blackjack. Won a David Tao’s CD. AY the big loser.
- Third day of CNY, visited Ipoh. Drove my Avanza, with WB and GE.
- Met HL and stayed at his godparents house. HL family was there too.
- They were celebrating his godmom’s birthday. Almost met his whole family.
- We got to meet others coursemates like AChoy and LS, NC and BH (the first and last time meeting her mom), MA and MH and lastly SC.
- At night, we went to a pub, chit chat and played some games to ‘finish’ up the alcohol.
- CY and I both drunk. She even fell down by the roadside
- I was very unhappy with her presence, they did flirt with each other. I was unhappy and mad but no way to release. I cried…and at the same time, I recalled AD. I think I hate Ipoh.
- I was tired of crying, HL pat on my shoulder and he even did something which I think is quite warm…brotherly act…nothing more than that, just that it’s my first time.
- The last night, before returned to KL, went K with CY’s friends, it was the most torturing night for me. I was hoping to return KL asap. But the fact is nobody realised what was wrong with me.
Feb
- angry with her. did not answer her call. i was mad.
- she did what promised. sent bouquet of *teddy bears* to my office.
- i was not at all happy. anger covered my heart, brain and eyes. (i couldn’t believe i did that!!)
- I chased my friend away.
I blame no one but myself. But at the same time, I couldnt control the bottom of my heart to hate them.
March
- the birth of WLJ 8411.
- the first phase of the “chi9sin” disaster, but survived it.
- started to find a way to “run”.
I promise this is the ending of all…
- it was just the beginning!
Apr
- joined CIS at TPM, a very different environment where all colleagues communicate in Mandarin.
- the sickness of “chi9sin” spreaded from heart, to brain and destroyed thinking system.
- the last phase of the sickness and “certified” as well.
- “chi9sin” = fall for a guy, try to stay away from him but he said he needs u but only as friend, then he angry cox u still chose to go, but when u realised u dun wish to end the friendship, he said NO and turn around to go after your best friend whom u confided in when u were sad.
- the consequence? after work, went to Taman Tasik Permaisuri, felt the feeling of coldness, under the rain for more than 2 hours.
- will never forget the Malay guy who seems to worry so much about my safety, that he accompanied until i finally agreed to go home.
I am lost
May
- 4th – BL gave birth to a boy, Eugene.
- defined GHOST
- was totally dissapointed with him.
June
- the job at CIS was the bussiest ever.
- stationed at CNI. Travelled all the way to Shah Alam every morning.
- worse still, gotta fetch the china guys after they shifted to The Summit, every morning.
- got really close to Sky, Doris, Eunice, David…almost everybody in the CNI office.
- it was like war everyday. work from morning till midnight.
- almost lost all of my friends who called to ask me out and i can only respons by saying i gotta work, even on Sat and Sun.
- 18th – Li San wedding. Spent a lot to get good dress, shoes, makeup, hairdo…everyone were surprised to see me no longer the fatty Ongki.
- glad to see LS happily got married.
July
- got offer from Insync, SG.
- decided to go
- was offered by MsHeng to go China at that time, but i still chose SG
Aug
- first time in SG. was proud of myself. never been this *strong* before.
- settled everything in SG by myself, but of course, there were aunt and chenyee who helped a bit here and there.
Sept
- Was going all fine in SG. Good job, good boss…
- Until the news about mom admitted to hospital for operation on her broken leg.
- Two weeks after, even dad was sicked and admitted to hospital too.
- i was very angry with Sabina, told her that my dad was tired taking care of her kids, but still, nothing she can or want to do.
- not bad enough, the same day, at night, brother’s turn to hospital, involved in accident.
- was worry and keep thinking what’s wrong with my family.
- luckily sister and engkian was there safely, and take care of the family.
- 17th – Huey Jia wedding. The most enjoyable, yet tiring.
Oct
- physical sickness will soon be cured, but mentally sick is dangerous.
- father was behaving strange, even mom were shocked.
- he quarrelled with mom, keep talking about he’s *going* soon and said he prepared everything good enough. said he’s tired working…complaint mom only asking for $$$.
- his words were really cruel, stabbed into my heart.
- even sold my Avanza.
- 22nd – my birthday, wai leng’s wedding.
Nov
- father got well.
- 26th – AiBoon wedding. Bought a Daniel Yam dress at S$125. The most expensive dress I’ve ever bought in my life.
Dec
- 11th – Chilam and Charmaine in KL to promote Astro Awards.
- the happiest day ever.
- Doris invited me to rejoin CIS and based in Beijing.
- After struggling for about a week, i agreed.
—————————————–
It was a tiring and exciting year.
Family, career, relationship…all changed.
Best Friend of 2005 : LS
Worst Friend of 2005 : GE
Best Company of 2005 : CIS
Worst Company of 2005 : CIS
Best Wedding of 2005 : AB’s
Best Bride of 2005 : HJ
Best Groom of 2005 : AB’s
Ongki Best Dress of 2005 : Daniel Yam, from SG
Best City of 2005 : Singapore
Worst City of 2005 : KL
She said they don’t click and couldn’t communicate.
He said, he thought of commit suicide when she was in comma.
He asked for the last chance. But he didn’t prove to her that they are meant to be together.
How touching, Matt hugged her and wouldn’t want to let her go. He was crying.
She couldn’t resist the poor Matt either. She gave her the chance.
But I think they are really not meant for each other.
Above is just one of the scene of a series. I recalled myself. I never date before. I never live my life to share with others before.
Do you need to beg for love? Can we? Why do we?
Love happens naturally and this is what I am really after all these years.
But it seems like i never seems to be lucky enough to be naturally in love.
Yes, naturally in love. My love never get returns. All the times…it’s just rubbish.
I seem to be the one forcing love.
Until today, when I am so tired of thinking what’s wrong with myself, or blaming others for not choosing me, or getting excuse to feel bad for myself…
I have to admit. “Let go la, Ongki”.
This was what she told me last year.
Ms.heng
I am waiting for your good news next week ya…
Doris,
yup, got mad service everyday, cleaning up the house, if u left ur clothes in basket, she will help u to do the laundry and iron the clothes
Kenson Peh,
must get more from them lo…coz they less ppl ma
Chi Mien,
erm, the food here too much to eat.. so i gain weight dy..
Sky,
try think carefully if u really wan come over, if u not happy with ur job now, then u change is ok, but no wor, u r not happy and no sad wor
Sim,
is ur choice lor, never offer me also, haih
ChenYee,
beijing is quite good to work in, good exposure, many expats are there…
Coconut,
okie…go earn more $$$ then die, then i inherit all…okie?
Hoi Leong,
good lor, ur dream, marry in china
Kwok Siang,
but will u hav difficulties in reading chinese?..
Cindy,
if they provide accomodation, the shlf pay at least Rm7k, it’s up to u….if u r going for the experience in working overseas…n short time, then it could be good, but try not longer than 1 yr, just go china for 1 yr for experience…then come back m’sia to get better job here with better pay
Woo,
winter no need to bath so often… haha, i havent bath for 10 days
Kenson Koh,
then u can save alot of money lo…
Sidney,
go lah if u think is worth to try since u still young n no burden
Li San,
everyone is looking for a better one always, u just go there for work, why not give yourself a try, is very attractive ler
Show Sin,
just go ahead lo, if any decision, dun care us la, ur life is more important ma
I remember i was given the same choice about 4 months back.
I made the decision for SG.
And now today, I am here in SG. Am glad (thank god), I was offered by CIS (with Doris strong recommendation) to rejoin and based in Beijing.
Thought for this for one whole week already. Have not make decision but i know the voice inside me are prompting me to go for a try.
And I guess, most probably am going.
For the same reason, I did something which is out of my control. I befriend with him again. I am really no use
Promised that there is no point of return but… I started to act out of mind when I messaged him again
And then i even chose this pic for MSN avatar! I’m totally out of my mind!
But its all happen for one reason. Am leaving soon
Will return KL tonite. To see what parents and sister said.
Sister concern if i can adapt to the chinese environment there, which i guess is not a problem, as there are many Malaysian working there too.
Many advised me to list the pro and cons. Here it is…
Pros
====
1) Good exposure – working with different ppl, in a new working and living environment.
2) Earn more and save more – not too high pay but consider good. Heard that will be able to save a lot, and I hope to save a sum of money to pay downpayment of a house in two years time.
3) More challenging job – this is a definite. Worked in CIS before. The situation in CNI appears vividly in my mind now. Expected another war soon.
4) If involve in the Tiens project, should be travelling to another 6 countries, according to Doris, I hope its true. I hope i am involve.
Cons
====
1) Being so far away from home Parents getting old, what if anything happen? (touchwood) – nevermind, will flyback…don’t care..
2) Working with her is another issue. Her bad tempered – but i guess as long as I do my things right, should be ok. Moreover, we seems to communicate well when i was still with CIS.
3) I don’t like China ppl. – I hope I am not offending anyone with this. But its true. They are difficult to work too. Imagine HX!!! duh… – but surely can learn a great deal from them.
4) There are many ham sab lou….:( XL!! But its ok, there’s Kenson around
5) Away from friends…i scared after return from China, ppl forget me
Life’s is all about making decision. Need to get back to Ms Heng next week. Jean not around, need to talk to him asap…the most difficult thing to do
Know about this terrible news from BH.
N must be very sad. I can imagine her relationship with mother is very close.
But I can’t imagine how sad is she without her mother around now.
The first and last time of meeting her was last chinese new year.
We were playing blackjack. She was very lucky cox she won a lot..if i am not mistaken. It was Xmas eve when bad things happened…that’s why i always believe Xmas is a bad day!
Life is fragile. I truly understand that. I hope AD can take good care of aunty up there. AD, can u hear my prayer?
Am not feeling very well lately. Stomach pain all the times, before eat, after eat, dun eat, eat a lot…all will cause pain…no idea..
Moreover, can’t sleep well at night. Mind always like to think a lot before going to sleep. Getting more each day. Need to analyse if what i do is correct or wrong, appropriate or inappropriate, true or fake…
I am thinking, if i don’t make it to KL tomorrow nite (touch wood), what will happen to the ppl around me. What do i left for them? What do i wan them to do for me?
I better write them down here, at least a ghost reading this and he will settle for me:
Things to giveaway:
1) X-DrivePro external hard disc – copy all the series to singyee, then format it and return to Henry.
2) Daniel Yam – SGD125 long blue dress for PL, i think she will wear it nice.
3) I don’t have any savings, but 3 insurances, Prudential, to contact Calvin, Great Eastern, contact Sidney and HSBC, see statement – all for parents.
4) No money left, only debts Remember to return money to Aunt Fong for notebook, owe cheeyan $50 and feli RM100, Jun $50.
5) Canon IS digi cam – for brother, the camera he’s using now is men’siasui’kan.
6) The salary for Dec from Insync – for GE, as promised.
7) KWSP (RM10k++) – for parents.
All my MP3 – for A Chen
9) my scratched Samsung X460C, for felicia, she needs hp now.
shit…i cant even list to 10 items that i have
nothing left for sister and brother…any a lot more friends.
i think its only memories that they can have from me.
Things to do for me:
1) maintain www.leejuan.com yearly. Let it kept alive. as for www.ongkichilam.com…can let it die with me.
2) burn me a sexy, black, deep V bikini…i cant make it happen this life, will continue to keep diet and fullfill my wish for next life.
3) buy 50 big, 50 small my IC number, 5926, if strike, give GE, the poor fella.
4) say sorry to CCY, tell her I love her.
5) tell leejuan i love him all my life….
6) tell Ms Heng and Doris that I can’t go Beijing, although i wish to.
7) tell Jerami in my SG office that he’s cute 
nothing else i can think of now loo…maybe the list will keep growing if i have next time to blog
forgot one important thing : VOTE CHILAM!!!!!!!!
李吉汉 – 飞
Daniel – Fei (Fly) romanized lyrics and translation
我知道 世界忽然已改变 Wo zhi dao Shi jie hu ran yi gai bian
(I know the world has changed suddenly)我知道 泪水以后是荣耀 Wo zhi dao Lei shui yi hou shi rong yao
(I know there’s glory behind the tears)流过泪 无所谓 Liu guo lei Wu suo wei
(Having shed tears, It doesn’t matter)有遗憾 也是美 You yi han Ye shi mei
(Having regret is also a kind of beauty)算吧 遗憾 无所谓 Suan ba Yi han Wu suo wei
(Let it be, Regret, nevermind)我的梦 呜~ 没有结尾 Wo de meng hmm… Mei you jie wei
勇敢往前飞 梦不枯萎 Yong gan wang qian fei Meng bu ku wei
(Fly ahead bravely, Dream never dies)梦的巨人 无形的包围 Meng de ju ren Wu xing de bao wei
(The giant of dream is surrounding me invisibly)不管多累 我要全力追 Bu guan duo lei wo yao quan li zhui
(No matter how tired, I’ll try my best going after my dream)勇敢往前飞 偶尔苦偶尔也累 Yong gan wang qian fei Ou er ku ou er ye lei
(Fly ahead bravely, Sometimes it’s bitter sometimes it’s tiring)梦的巨人 无形的渴望 Meng de ju ren Wu xing de ke wang
(The giant of dream, The desire)给我梦想 给我了力量 飞翔 Gei wo meng xiang Gei le wo li liang fei xiang
(It gives me dream, Gives me strength to fly)流过泪 无所谓 Liu guo lei Wu suo wei
(Having shed tears, It doesn’t matter)有遗憾 也是美 You yi han Ye shi mei
(Having regret is also a kind of beauty)算吧 遗憾 无所谓 Suan ba Yi han Wu suo wei
(Let it be, Regret, nevermind)我的梦 呜~ 没有结尾 Wo de meng hmm… Mei you jie wei
(My dream hmm… Never ends)勇敢往前飞 勇敢的追 Yong gan wang qian fei Yong gan de zhui
(Fly ahead bravely, Pursue bravely)梦的巨人 无形的包围 Meng de ju ren Wu xing de bao wei
(The giant of dream is surrounding me invisibly)给我力量给了我希望 Gei wo li liang Gei le wo xi wang
(It gives me strength, It gives me hope)勇敢往前飞 偶尔苦偶尔也累 Yong gan wang qian fei Ou er ku ou er ye lei
(Fly ahead bravely, Sometimes it’s bitter sometimes it’s tiring)梦的巨人 无形的渴望 Meng de ju ren Wu xing de ke wang
(The giant of dream, The desire)力量带领我到这地方 Li liang dai ling wo dao zhe ge di fang
(The strength brings me to this place)梦的天堂 Meng de tian tang
(The heaven of dreams)给我力量 给了我希望 飞翔 Gei wo li liang Gei le wo xi wang fei xiang
(Giving me strength, Giving me hope to fly)
To you who is reading my blog, thanks for visiting but this should be the last post that will be published from eongki.blogspot.com and also the previous url, ongki.blogspot.com which was outdated.
I just resurrected my www.ongkichilam.com (with $$$) of course last week.
Moving all my pictures there.
Moved this blog too, all future post in the blog will be published in www.ongkichilam.com/blog.
However, this site is password protected, meaning that you need a login and password from me to get accessed. The initial purpose of my blog is not for public reading like kennysia.com, in fact, its my online diary, a space where I can throw my feelings when i have no one to turn to. But as time goes by, I keep getting more and more friends to read the blog.
In the end, it violates the purpose of my blog, because when you know people are reading your writings, you tend to play hide and seek, or not telling the truth, or not writing what’s in your mind really.
If you are really interested, IM me, i’ll create login and password one for u.
Just let me know.
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